Can I Bite Your Nose?

It has been three weeks since I've gotten back from my trip in Southeast Asia, and I miss everyone terribly. I've been reading through 1 Kings, and since being back, I have loved reading about the testimony of Elijah and the faith that he showed. It has been really exciting to read how God worked through him, and it's also been challenging to my own relationship with God. In fact, I was reviewing my prayer journal since I've been back, and I said to God, "I desire to trust You more." Well, these past three weeks have certainly been a trial in trust.

This summer I am working at a camp. In fact, I'm working at the same rustic, middle-of-nowhere camp that I worked at two summers ago. Since the camp is fairly close to home, I've decided to come home every weekend. The first week of work was "orientation." As a team of counselors, we spent the week cleaning the camp and brainstorming ideas for the summer. When I got back home Friday, I did not expect to have the weekend that I did. I got some bad news Friday evening that I was not expecting at all. I was so shocked and confused, not just about the news I received, but also about the way that I received it, that I just broke down. In fact, I was broken down all weekend, and I honestly didn't want to go back to camp this past week. I knew that I was going to be counted on to interact with a lot of kids, and I just wanted to be alone. I am so glad I was where I was this week, though.

This week, the kids began asking each other if they could bite each others' noses. It looks as ridiculous as it sounds, but apparently, it's "the ultimate question of trust." I thought about this as I reflected on the frustration of this still unresolved situation from the weekend before. In the frustration of my current circumstances to God, and the message I keep hearing back is, "Trust me. I know what I am doing. I have always known." It's a wonderful message, but it is so difficult to accept when you're upset. The campers were just playing a silly game that they made up, and there are a lot of other things more difficult to trust others with than their teeth around your schnoz, but the idea of trust remains. As silly as it sounds, you do not know if the person who is about to bite your nose is going to hurt you or not... but they know what they're doing. I have no idea what is coming in the future or how this situation is going to end up, but I do know that God knows what He's doing better than I know what's coming. I am learning to trust Him, just as I told Him I desire to do. It is by no means easy or even pleasant right now, but I also have hope in the future because I know He cares for me, even when I am frustrated and angry and don't want to trust Him.

God,

Thank You for listening to me, even when it is not what I expect to hear in return. I do not like the uncertainty of the situation I am in right now, but I am learning that You have known since before the beginning of time where I would be right now and where I will be in the future. Thank You for caring about the little worries that I have, and for desiring the best for me, even in those moments. I am sorry for not trusting You, but I truly do desire to trust You more. Please continue to walk me through the lessons You are teaching me. Thank You for Your patience. I love You.

Sow What?

I am back from Southeast Asia! Well, I've been back home for over a week now, but after a few days of combating the urge to go to sleep at 3:00 pm and wake up at 4:30am, my body is back to its normal routine. My mind, though, is still flooding with memories of the culture and conversations that my team and I experienced for just two short weeks. Being back home makes it all seem surreal almost.

I was so privileged to work with a great team of awesome people...

... try some great new food...

... gain some new experiences...

... and make some new friends.

I had a great time in Southeast Asia. But more valuable than all of the new experiences I now have, is the privilege of seeing God work in an area of the world that is numb to any religious belief. I wish that I could somehow just download everything I remember from my trip onto my computer one so that I could keep track of it all and two so that I could share them with everyone, because there is just so much that I could share. My team and I spent a lot of time in English classrooms in the local universities spending time with students and learning about their culture while we shared about ours. We learned a lot about local foods and festivals and we shared a lot about our hobbies and our interests as American college students. We were asked if we watch Desperate Housewives and Gossip Girl or listened to Lady Gaga as well as if we were familiar with any of their music or movies. Though there were certainly cultural differences to be found, I think one of the neatest things to realize and to share with the students is how alike we are. We like music and movies. We like to have fun with our friends and to be silly. We also understand what it means to be confused about our future and to have the "pressures" and "stresses" (as students there called it) of life. Unfortunately, unlike many of the students we met and talked with, we know Someone that we are able to turn to in those times of stress and pressure.

Before going on this trip, I think I would have said (or I probably did say) that I did not know what to expect. And part of that is true. But there were certainly things that I did expect from this experience. I have shared before the embarrassing fact that speaking about my faith does not come easily to me. One thing I expected was to be challenged in how I express what Christ has done in my life with others. I think, though, generally, I expected to learn a whole lot and to do a whole lot, which in a way, I guess I did. But really, I saw God do a lot more than I did. During our trip, I had a chance to read through scripture and pray with my lovely roommate in the mornings.

It was certainly some sweet, encouraging time that I cherished with her and with our great God and gracious Savior. One passage that we read I think sums up perfectly the message of the trip that I found most humbling and most encouraging: 1 Corinthians 3:5-7 says, "So what is Apollos? And what is Paul? They are servants through whom you believed, and each has the role the Lord has given. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth." I may have left America thinking about all the work that I was going to do, but I came back realizing how much God had done, even in the short time that my team was there, and how blessed I was to be a part of it. The opportunities we had to share why we behave the way we do, why we don't go to parties on the weekend, or what we think about controversial issues, how many people in America believe in God or even how we deal with sad times were more numerous than we expected. Some of us were given very direct questions about scripture and Christian beliefs. Some of us had the opportunity to share the gospel more than once, and some of us were able to see God grow out of that. Whether we saw fruit from our labor or not, we know that it is not us who brings growth, but God. We were called to be faithful in service to Him. This is a humbling fact but also encouraging to know that I am not in control and that I don't have to try to be. I don't have to force Jesus into a conversation and I don't have to pry for a spiritual response. I am called to be faithful and genuine and honest about who I am in Him. I can't help but express that. And as I do, perhaps He will choose to work in someone's heart. I had a great experience overseas, and I thoroughly enjoyed the time that I had with my fellow teammates as well as with the students and people that we met. It was a tiring experience, and trying at times, but I trust that God is still working in that place, even though our team is gone. I am glad to be back home and to comfortable living, though my heart still aches for the people back in SE Asia. But I am excited to hear how the God who worked so wonderfully in my life that I must share works in the lives of the students that I am now able to call friends. Mm. He certainly is good.