Thursday, December 24, 2009
Mary was chosen to carry Him.
Joseph was told what to name Him.
The inns rejected Him.
The manger cradled Him.
The shepherds came to marvel at Him.
The wise men came to worship Him.
King Herod tried to kill Him.
The church leaders came to listen to Him.
John was chosen to baptise Him.
The disciples were chosen to follow Him.
The Pharisees despised Him.
The crowds adored Him.
The broken were healed by Him.
The lost where found by Him.
Judas betrayed Him.
The Romans captured Him.
Pilot could find no fault in Him.
The crowds yelled, "crucify Him!"
The soldiers mocked Him.
Peter denied Him.
He said, "Father, forgive them."
The Romans guarded Him.
But they weren't strong enough to keep Him in.
Many saw Him.
Now He's ascended.
But I still know Him.
And I still love Him.
And someday I will see Him.
All because God sent Him--out of love.
Joseph was told what to name Him.
The inns rejected Him.
The manger cradled Him.
The shepherds came to marvel at Him.
The wise men came to worship Him.
King Herod tried to kill Him.
The church leaders came to listen to Him.
John was chosen to baptise Him.
The disciples were chosen to follow Him.
The Pharisees despised Him.
The crowds adored Him.
The broken were healed by Him.
The lost where found by Him.
Judas betrayed Him.
The Romans captured Him.
Pilot could find no fault in Him.
The crowds yelled, "crucify Him!"
The soldiers mocked Him.
Peter denied Him.
He said, "Father, forgive them."
The Romans guarded Him.
But they weren't strong enough to keep Him in.
Many saw Him.
Now He's ascended.
But I still know Him.
And I still love Him.
And someday I will see Him.
All because God sent Him--out of love.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
As embarrassing as it is to admit, I do a lot of my thinking in the shower. It just seems to be a nice, convenient place to unwind and meditate on things. This morning, I was reminiscing on God's faithfulness in my life. I have come a long way in my relationship with Him. He has given me so much, and I am truly humbled to consider it. I grew up in a Christian home and was saved at a young age. For many years after that, though I have no doubt that I am a child of God, I struggled with the way God chose to change my life. I felt like my life didn't change much at all. I still went to church, I still memorized Bible verses, and life continued on as normal. I envied those who had a dramatic testimony of complete transformation from before they knew Christ to after receiving Him. Looking back on all of this in the shower this morning, I recognized something about God's grace: it is the perfect fit for everyone.
Sometimes, I think we view God's grace as too big for our sin. It is very easy for me to say, "There are a lot of people with a lot more, and I don't need to bother God with my sins." To put it more visually, we view God's grace as bulky, over-sized sweater. There's just too much fabric involved. There are bulges coming out everywhere, you can't even see your hands because the sleeves are too long, and it's just not attractive. You cannot wear this sweater. It was made for someone much larger than you. In the same way, we can believe that God's grace was made to cover people with bigger problems than our own. We are left naked and helpless.
Others of us, or perhaps we are the same people as before dealing with different sin, feel that God's grace is not big enough for what we are dealing with. Our problems are too large and embarrassing to God. We can view God's grace like a sweater that is too small. Try as we might to pull it over ourselves, we are left suffocating. It may cover most of you, but there is still plenty of skin left to cover. The skin tightness of the sweater does not hide much of what you were wishing to cover, nor does it allow you room to breathe. This sweater just doesn't fit right. In the same way, we can feel that God's grace will never cover all of the baggage we carry and will just suffocate us with more guilt of what we really look like.
Thank God that His grace is not like either of these! God's grace is the perfectly fitting sweater for every person no matter what size or shape. God's grace is great enough that it covers all of our sin and leaves us with no unwanted fabric or invisible hands. It is perfect enough that it doesn't leave us self conscious about what we are trying to hide underneath or what is still peeking out. His grace doesn't cut off the circulation in our arms because we tried to stretch it too thin, nor does it leave us even more weighed down with the heaviness of what we don't need. God's grace is exactly what we need. It covers every part that needs to be covered and covers it completely, and it is in His grace that we find perfect warmth and satisfaction knowing that we have been made attractive in His eyes.
Sometimes, I think we view God's grace as too big for our sin. It is very easy for me to say, "There are a lot of people with a lot more, and I don't need to bother God with my sins." To put it more visually, we view God's grace as bulky, over-sized sweater. There's just too much fabric involved. There are bulges coming out everywhere, you can't even see your hands because the sleeves are too long, and it's just not attractive. You cannot wear this sweater. It was made for someone much larger than you. In the same way, we can believe that God's grace was made to cover people with bigger problems than our own. We are left naked and helpless.
Others of us, or perhaps we are the same people as before dealing with different sin, feel that God's grace is not big enough for what we are dealing with. Our problems are too large and embarrassing to God. We can view God's grace like a sweater that is too small. Try as we might to pull it over ourselves, we are left suffocating. It may cover most of you, but there is still plenty of skin left to cover. The skin tightness of the sweater does not hide much of what you were wishing to cover, nor does it allow you room to breathe. This sweater just doesn't fit right. In the same way, we can feel that God's grace will never cover all of the baggage we carry and will just suffocate us with more guilt of what we really look like.
Thank God that His grace is not like either of these! God's grace is the perfectly fitting sweater for every person no matter what size or shape. God's grace is great enough that it covers all of our sin and leaves us with no unwanted fabric or invisible hands. It is perfect enough that it doesn't leave us self conscious about what we are trying to hide underneath or what is still peeking out. His grace doesn't cut off the circulation in our arms because we tried to stretch it too thin, nor does it leave us even more weighed down with the heaviness of what we don't need. God's grace is exactly what we need. It covers every part that needs to be covered and covers it completely, and it is in His grace that we find perfect warmth and satisfaction knowing that we have been made attractive in His eyes.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
We have finally made it to the last of the Campers, Chickens, and Hot Air Balloons series! It only took, like, 6 months? Oh, but when I read this story, I realize how well worth the wait was! I decided to write about this last week in a post by itself because something amazing happened in this last week that distinguished it from all the other weeks: we got to see God work.
I said in the previous post that I had finally surrendered to God my work. By doing this I gave Him the opportunity to work. I was no longer the one planning what to do or what to say. I no longer had any control over what was happening. (I didn't have any control before, but I guess I wanted to think that I did.) That was where I was at spiritually when this week started, and I only wish it hadn't taken me six weeks to get there.
Being girl's week, and being that we had about 30 girls between the four of us female counselors, we took advantage of the space we had and took over the cabins the boys had been using the weeks before. I was given my own cabin at the other end of the camp site (I was working with another counselor before) and a group of seven girls. Like I said before, each night we were in charge of leading cabin devotions before bed. Being resigned to God's will, not my own plans, I cannot tell you what we talked about each night. I did teach a devotion, I promise, but I could not tell you what any of the devotions were about. I do remember, however, the numerous questions I recieved after each topic was discussed: questions about creation and the validity of the Bible, about angels and God and baptism and salvation. I recieved queston after question after question, and I could not believe the way God was working in the hearts of these girls who desired nothing more than to know the truth. Some of these questions were harder to answer than others, but I tried my best to give the best answers I could. In the end, though, the only answer I really knew was Jesus Christ, so that's what I shared with them.
Each night I was able to share the gospel with my girls and talk about the great love that it took for God to make such a sacrifice. Weeks before, I had planned to give a presentation of the gospel on Wednesday nights (because the gospel is always presented on the 4th night of VBS and stuff), but this week was like a week long explanation of God's love and sacrifice for a relationship with us. Wednesday night came around, and the same thing happened in our cabin that had been happening all week long: questions. And, like every night before, I was able to share the gospel with my girls. This night, however, we were able to have a discussion about what it all meant afterward. We talked about the pain Jesus went through, both physically and spiritually. We talked about how much God loved us, even before we existed. These girls were shocked! Why would God do such a thing for me? Listening to their amazement made me realize the truly amazing thing that God did for me! One girl, after several had made a trip to the bathroom, asked me, "If this is true, then why aren't more people out there telling people about it?" My heart rose and sank at the same time. I was so proud of this girl for realizing the importance of such a decision, but I also realized the weight and depth of such a statement. She was right. Why aren't we taking the message of Jesus more seriously? Why aren't we sharing it more? Why don't we care like we should? This thought has stayed close to my heart ever since that night.
The next morning, as the girls got ready for breakfast, I lay on my bed marveling at how far God had taken us to this last full day of camp. I looked up to see one girl sitting on her bed READING HER BIBLE! I have never smiled so big in my life! I thanked God for the work He was able to do through me when I stepped to the side. God was not done working that day, however.
The whole week we had been preparing a few songs to sing and scriptures to read for our trip to the nursing home the last day. When we finally made it onto the bus to go to the nursing home, everyone was so excited (and loud)! This mood continued as we walked through the different sections of the home, singing "Jesus Loves Me" and "How Great is Our God," yet as time went by, the mood began to change. While we were singing to one elderly gentleman who was sitting in his wheelchair without his teeth in, I looked up to see one girl crying. Soon, another girl joined her, then another one, and another one... but the time we got back on the bus to leave, over half of the girls who were so full of laughter and excitement when we arrived at the nursing home we now silent with soggy faces. We decided that, instead of continuing with the plans we had made, we would move into a time of reflection and devotion when we arrived back at the camp.
We gathered all of the girls in the multipurpose room to talk about what they were going through. Many of them were greiving the loss of loved ones who had spent the last parts of their time in the nursing home. Others were just humbled and broken. One of the other counselors gave a gospel presentation. Then we broke the girls up into groups and prayed with them. I had the privilege of meeting and praying with seven girls. I asked them what God had been doing in their lives that week, and one girl (one in my cabin who had heard an unplanned gospel presentation every night; the one who I had seen reading her Bible that very morning) rose her hand to say that she did not have a relationship with God, but that she wanted to know how to. Wow. In that moment, I was so humbled. We had been restless to see God work and for someone to find His conviction and His truth all summer, and here on the last night of camp for the summer, was this girl who wanted to know Jesus. After I recomposed myself, I asked if there was anyone else in the group of seven who could say the same thing (that they wanted to know what it meant to have a relationship with God), and three more girls rose their hands. I had to sturggle to keep my jaw from hanging in shock at how God was working. I excitedly took these four girls to a corner of a room and shared with them and led them in prayer so that they might have a relationship with God.
If our night stopped there, it would have been exciting enough, but God was not done. I was able to talk to another girl about her conviction to get rid of things that were distrcting her from God and pursue medical missions. Another counselor led another girl to Christ and talked to her about what it means to be saved. God just did incredible things in those few hours. I cannot help but think about how much more He could have done if we had just surrendered to Him humbly in the first place. Yet, He is sovereign and so I trust that He will bring together His good and perfect will and plan, in spite of my mistakes. That is one thing that I find so amazing about Him.
So, that is finally the conclusion of the story of my summer at camp. I pet a chicken, I rode a hot air balloon, I met a lot of people, and I saw God work greatly. It was a great learning experience, and though there were times I wasn't glad for it in the moment, looking back, I appreciate it so much!
I said in the previous post that I had finally surrendered to God my work. By doing this I gave Him the opportunity to work. I was no longer the one planning what to do or what to say. I no longer had any control over what was happening. (I didn't have any control before, but I guess I wanted to think that I did.) That was where I was at spiritually when this week started, and I only wish it hadn't taken me six weeks to get there.
Being girl's week, and being that we had about 30 girls between the four of us female counselors, we took advantage of the space we had and took over the cabins the boys had been using the weeks before. I was given my own cabin at the other end of the camp site (I was working with another counselor before) and a group of seven girls. Like I said before, each night we were in charge of leading cabin devotions before bed. Being resigned to God's will, not my own plans, I cannot tell you what we talked about each night. I did teach a devotion, I promise, but I could not tell you what any of the devotions were about. I do remember, however, the numerous questions I recieved after each topic was discussed: questions about creation and the validity of the Bible, about angels and God and baptism and salvation. I recieved queston after question after question, and I could not believe the way God was working in the hearts of these girls who desired nothing more than to know the truth. Some of these questions were harder to answer than others, but I tried my best to give the best answers I could. In the end, though, the only answer I really knew was Jesus Christ, so that's what I shared with them.
Each night I was able to share the gospel with my girls and talk about the great love that it took for God to make such a sacrifice. Weeks before, I had planned to give a presentation of the gospel on Wednesday nights (because the gospel is always presented on the 4th night of VBS and stuff), but this week was like a week long explanation of God's love and sacrifice for a relationship with us. Wednesday night came around, and the same thing happened in our cabin that had been happening all week long: questions. And, like every night before, I was able to share the gospel with my girls. This night, however, we were able to have a discussion about what it all meant afterward. We talked about the pain Jesus went through, both physically and spiritually. We talked about how much God loved us, even before we existed. These girls were shocked! Why would God do such a thing for me? Listening to their amazement made me realize the truly amazing thing that God did for me! One girl, after several had made a trip to the bathroom, asked me, "If this is true, then why aren't more people out there telling people about it?" My heart rose and sank at the same time. I was so proud of this girl for realizing the importance of such a decision, but I also realized the weight and depth of such a statement. She was right. Why aren't we taking the message of Jesus more seriously? Why aren't we sharing it more? Why don't we care like we should? This thought has stayed close to my heart ever since that night.
The next morning, as the girls got ready for breakfast, I lay on my bed marveling at how far God had taken us to this last full day of camp. I looked up to see one girl sitting on her bed READING HER BIBLE! I have never smiled so big in my life! I thanked God for the work He was able to do through me when I stepped to the side. God was not done working that day, however.
The whole week we had been preparing a few songs to sing and scriptures to read for our trip to the nursing home the last day. When we finally made it onto the bus to go to the nursing home, everyone was so excited (and loud)! This mood continued as we walked through the different sections of the home, singing "Jesus Loves Me" and "How Great is Our God," yet as time went by, the mood began to change. While we were singing to one elderly gentleman who was sitting in his wheelchair without his teeth in, I looked up to see one girl crying. Soon, another girl joined her, then another one, and another one... but the time we got back on the bus to leave, over half of the girls who were so full of laughter and excitement when we arrived at the nursing home we now silent with soggy faces. We decided that, instead of continuing with the plans we had made, we would move into a time of reflection and devotion when we arrived back at the camp.
We gathered all of the girls in the multipurpose room to talk about what they were going through. Many of them were greiving the loss of loved ones who had spent the last parts of their time in the nursing home. Others were just humbled and broken. One of the other counselors gave a gospel presentation. Then we broke the girls up into groups and prayed with them. I had the privilege of meeting and praying with seven girls. I asked them what God had been doing in their lives that week, and one girl (one in my cabin who had heard an unplanned gospel presentation every night; the one who I had seen reading her Bible that very morning) rose her hand to say that she did not have a relationship with God, but that she wanted to know how to. Wow. In that moment, I was so humbled. We had been restless to see God work and for someone to find His conviction and His truth all summer, and here on the last night of camp for the summer, was this girl who wanted to know Jesus. After I recomposed myself, I asked if there was anyone else in the group of seven who could say the same thing (that they wanted to know what it meant to have a relationship with God), and three more girls rose their hands. I had to sturggle to keep my jaw from hanging in shock at how God was working. I excitedly took these four girls to a corner of a room and shared with them and led them in prayer so that they might have a relationship with God.
If our night stopped there, it would have been exciting enough, but God was not done. I was able to talk to another girl about her conviction to get rid of things that were distrcting her from God and pursue medical missions. Another counselor led another girl to Christ and talked to her about what it means to be saved. God just did incredible things in those few hours. I cannot help but think about how much more He could have done if we had just surrendered to Him humbly in the first place. Yet, He is sovereign and so I trust that He will bring together His good and perfect will and plan, in spite of my mistakes. That is one thing that I find so amazing about Him.
So, that is finally the conclusion of the story of my summer at camp. I pet a chicken, I rode a hot air balloon, I met a lot of people, and I saw God work greatly. It was a great learning experience, and though there were times I wasn't glad for it in the moment, looking back, I appreciate it so much!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Exodus 3-4:20
Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, "I will go over and see this strange sight--why the bush does not burn up." When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, "Moses! Moses!" And Moses said, "Here I am." "Do not come any closer," God said. "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." Then he said, "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob." At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God. The LORD said, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey--the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt." But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain." Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?" God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' " God also said to Moses, "Say to the Israelites, 'The Lord, the God of your fathers--the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob--has sent me to you.' This is my name forever, the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation. "Go, assemble the elders of Israel and say to them, 'The Lord, the God of your fathers--the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob--appeared to me and said: I have watched over you and have seen what has been done to you in Egypt. And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites--a land flowing with milk and honey.' "The elders of Israel will listen to you. Then you and the elders are to go to the king of Egypt and say to him, 'The Lord, the God of the Hebrews, has met with us. Let us take a three-day journey into the desert to offer sacrifices to the LORD our God.' But I know that the king of Egypt will not let you go unless a mighty hand compels him. So I will stretch out my hand and strike the Egyptians with all the wonders that I will perform among them. After that, he will let you go. "And I will make the Egyptians favorably disposed toward this people, so that when you leave you will not go empty-handed. Every woman is to ask her neighbor and any woman living in her house for articles of silver and gold and for clothing, which you will put on your sons and daughters. And so you will plunder the Egyptians." Moses answered, "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The LORD did not appear to you'?" Then the LORD said to him, "What is that in your hand?" "A staff," he replied. The LORD said, "Throw it on the ground." Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it. Then the LORD said to him, "Reach out your hand and take it by the tail." So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. "This," said the Lord, "is so that they may believe that the Lord, the God of their fathers--the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob--has appeared to you." Then the LORD said, "Put your hand inside your cloak." So Moses put his hand into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was leprous, like snow. "Now put it back into your cloak," he said. So Moses put his hand back into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was restored, like the rest of his flesh. Then the LORD said, "If they do not believe you or pay attention to the first miraculous sign, they may believe the second. But if they do not believe these two signs or listen to you, take some water from the Nile and pour it on the dry ground. The water you take from the river will become blood on the ground." Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." Then the LORD's anger burned against Moses and he said, "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. But take this staff in your hand so you can perform miraculous signs with it." Then Moses went back to Jethro his father-in-law and said to him, "Let me go back to my own people in Egypt to see if any of them are still alive." Jethro said, "Go, and I wish you well." Now the LORD had said to Moses in Midian, "Go back to Egypt, for all the men who wanted to kill you are dead." So Moses took his wife and sons, put them on a donkey and started back to Egypt. And he took the staff of God in his hand.
My little brother always wanted to be a missionary. Ever since he knew what one was, he dreamed of going to Africa someday and sharing with them God's word. I, on the other hand, dreamed of becoming a taxi driver and a house painter. (Barney makes eveything look more fun.) As I grew up, though, I aquired new dreams; I wanted to be a painter, a writer, a star. I loved Jesus, but I thought that I deserved to use my creative talents (which, at the time, I thought were much greater than they are in reality) to build up my own success.
I was in nineth grade when a tsunami ripped through Indonesia. I remember listening to other kids in my Spanish I class asking, "Why would God let something like this happen?" Our school hosted a fundraiser with an aid organization to raise money for diaster relief on that side of the world. As the yellow envelope passed around the class to collect money in finally landed on my desk, I reached into my wallet and pulled out the only two dollars I had with me. I looked up to the TV screen to see images of families without fathers, what used to be houses destroyed by the wind, and flood waters up to the trees, and thought to myself, "I wish I could do more." It was then that God broke my heart for missions.
From that point on, I contemplated being a foreign missionary, and I am sure I knew that that was what God was calling me to be, but I couldn't bring myself to accept His call. Fear blocked every thought of surrenderance to missions from my mind. I chose to ignore God's calling until I could no longer.
That summer I went to church camp with my youth group. We had a great time. Yet, I could not tell you anything specific that we did or talked about that week. All I remember was the time of invitation. Every night the pastor gave an invitation to respond to God's calling. he started with the calling into a personal relationship. Then he gave a call to respond to sin that was keeping us from God. Lastly, he gave a call to surrender to "vocational ministry." Every night I felt God tugging and pulling at me to respond to His call, but I ignored it. If I responded, then people would know and I would have to follow through. So I stayed in my seat. Each night, the same call was given and God's pull was even stronger, but I chose to ignore it still. The last night of camp, as we came to a time of invitation, I knew what was coming. I prepared myself to resist God (as if I actually could), but His call was so strong, I realized that I could not anymore. My face was burning red. My heart was beating out of my chest, and I had to do something, so I did the only thing I could: I got up. That night, as scared as I was about what was to come, and as many questions as I had, I surrendered to God my life to use as a messanger of His gospel to the nations.
For the next few years, I contemplated how and where God wanted me to serve. God has given me a heart and a passion for the nations of South East Asia, but I wanted Him to tell me more specifically what He wanted me to do. Junior year rolled around, and as other people started planning and preparing where they wanted to go and what they wanted to study in college, I was still lost searching. One Sunday morning, a missionary to India came and spoke at our church. Again, I could not tell you what was spoken on at all, but I do remember one brief moment when this missionary mentioned an English school for orphans that his ministry has organized. I cannot explain what happened inside of me when I heard this. I do not know what made this idea stick out to me among all of the other things this missionary was sharing, but I so know that as soon as he mentioned teaching English as a foreign language, I knew that was what I wanted to study. I had never before heard of teaching English as a second language. I had no idea what ESL meant. I did not know you could study teaching ESL. I just knew that I was supposed to be doing it.
We got home from church that afternoon, and I told my parents my idea. I think they were happy for me, but I do not remember any significant reaction, positive or negative, coming from them. The next Sunday, when we walked into the sanctuary, there were little slips of paper on each chair listing the foreign mission trips our church would be involved in over the coming year. As I glanced at the little piece of paper, I noticed a trip to South East Asia. I scrolled my eyes over to the description of the trip, only to find that a team was going to teach conversational English! It was the perfect opportunity that God had placed in my lap, and although I was scared, I followed Him anyway.
My trip was probably one of the greatest experiences of my life. However, it also brougt to my mind a lot of worries about the future. These worries were only elevated on my admission to college. I began realizing the greatness of the call God put on my life. I became scared. What would I do in a high risk nation without my family? How would I survive? I realized my lack of qualification. I could never go up to a stranger and begin a conversation, especially with the purpose of sharing something that is highly dangerous in their country to talk about. I can't even manage learning Spanish; how am I supposed to speak another language in order to teach a class a language that is foregin to them? All of these fears built up inside of me. In addition to that, I felt completely inadequate spiritually as well. Who am I to serve God overseas if I cannot regularly set aside time to meet with Him every morning? Who am I to share Jesus with people in another counrty if I struggle to share Jesus with the people I know here? My prayer quickly turned from praise to God about the great work He had done in revealing His plan to a plea for Him to remove it from me. I found myself in Moses's place, asking God to "send someone else to do it."
I have come to realize, though, that God is a big God. The words that He spoke to Moses resonate in my mind: "Who gave man his mouth? Who made him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." God does not need my ablities to work in the world. He chooses to use my surrendered self, but it is He who does the work. I have also come to realize that my life is not mine. I have surrendered it to God. Thus, He is able to place me wherever He desires.
It is a daily struggle for me to continue following the path that God has laid before me, especially given my many fears and uncertainties. I am learning the meaning of picking up my cross daily and following Him. I am learning not to get ahead of myself, but to follow God one step at a time, taking one day at a time. I am trusting Him that years from now, I will be able to look back at all that I have gone through and praise God for doing a marvelous work in my life that I could not imagine.
Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, "I will go over and see this strange sight--why the bush does not burn up." When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, "Moses! Moses!" And Moses said, "Here I am." "Do not come any closer," God said. "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." Then he said, "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob." At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God. The LORD said, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey--the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt." But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain." Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?" God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' " God also said to Moses, "Say to the Israelites, 'The Lord, the God of your fathers--the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob--has sent me to you.' This is my name forever, the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation. "Go, assemble the elders of Israel and say to them, 'The Lord, the God of your fathers--the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob--appeared to me and said: I have watched over you and have seen what has been done to you in Egypt. And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites--a land flowing with milk and honey.' "The elders of Israel will listen to you. Then you and the elders are to go to the king of Egypt and say to him, 'The Lord, the God of the Hebrews, has met with us. Let us take a three-day journey into the desert to offer sacrifices to the LORD our God.' But I know that the king of Egypt will not let you go unless a mighty hand compels him. So I will stretch out my hand and strike the Egyptians with all the wonders that I will perform among them. After that, he will let you go. "And I will make the Egyptians favorably disposed toward this people, so that when you leave you will not go empty-handed. Every woman is to ask her neighbor and any woman living in her house for articles of silver and gold and for clothing, which you will put on your sons and daughters. And so you will plunder the Egyptians." Moses answered, "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The LORD did not appear to you'?" Then the LORD said to him, "What is that in your hand?" "A staff," he replied. The LORD said, "Throw it on the ground." Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it. Then the LORD said to him, "Reach out your hand and take it by the tail." So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. "This," said the Lord, "is so that they may believe that the Lord, the God of their fathers--the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob--has appeared to you." Then the LORD said, "Put your hand inside your cloak." So Moses put his hand into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was leprous, like snow. "Now put it back into your cloak," he said. So Moses put his hand back into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was restored, like the rest of his flesh. Then the LORD said, "If they do not believe you or pay attention to the first miraculous sign, they may believe the second. But if they do not believe these two signs or listen to you, take some water from the Nile and pour it on the dry ground. The water you take from the river will become blood on the ground." Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." Then the LORD's anger burned against Moses and he said, "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. But take this staff in your hand so you can perform miraculous signs with it." Then Moses went back to Jethro his father-in-law and said to him, "Let me go back to my own people in Egypt to see if any of them are still alive." Jethro said, "Go, and I wish you well." Now the LORD had said to Moses in Midian, "Go back to Egypt, for all the men who wanted to kill you are dead." So Moses took his wife and sons, put them on a donkey and started back to Egypt. And he took the staff of God in his hand.
My little brother always wanted to be a missionary. Ever since he knew what one was, he dreamed of going to Africa someday and sharing with them God's word. I, on the other hand, dreamed of becoming a taxi driver and a house painter. (Barney makes eveything look more fun.) As I grew up, though, I aquired new dreams; I wanted to be a painter, a writer, a star. I loved Jesus, but I thought that I deserved to use my creative talents (which, at the time, I thought were much greater than they are in reality) to build up my own success.
I was in nineth grade when a tsunami ripped through Indonesia. I remember listening to other kids in my Spanish I class asking, "Why would God let something like this happen?" Our school hosted a fundraiser with an aid organization to raise money for diaster relief on that side of the world. As the yellow envelope passed around the class to collect money in finally landed on my desk, I reached into my wallet and pulled out the only two dollars I had with me. I looked up to the TV screen to see images of families without fathers, what used to be houses destroyed by the wind, and flood waters up to the trees, and thought to myself, "I wish I could do more." It was then that God broke my heart for missions.
From that point on, I contemplated being a foreign missionary, and I am sure I knew that that was what God was calling me to be, but I couldn't bring myself to accept His call. Fear blocked every thought of surrenderance to missions from my mind. I chose to ignore God's calling until I could no longer.
That summer I went to church camp with my youth group. We had a great time. Yet, I could not tell you anything specific that we did or talked about that week. All I remember was the time of invitation. Every night the pastor gave an invitation to respond to God's calling. he started with the calling into a personal relationship. Then he gave a call to respond to sin that was keeping us from God. Lastly, he gave a call to surrender to "vocational ministry." Every night I felt God tugging and pulling at me to respond to His call, but I ignored it. If I responded, then people would know and I would have to follow through. So I stayed in my seat. Each night, the same call was given and God's pull was even stronger, but I chose to ignore it still. The last night of camp, as we came to a time of invitation, I knew what was coming. I prepared myself to resist God (as if I actually could), but His call was so strong, I realized that I could not anymore. My face was burning red. My heart was beating out of my chest, and I had to do something, so I did the only thing I could: I got up. That night, as scared as I was about what was to come, and as many questions as I had, I surrendered to God my life to use as a messanger of His gospel to the nations.
For the next few years, I contemplated how and where God wanted me to serve. God has given me a heart and a passion for the nations of South East Asia, but I wanted Him to tell me more specifically what He wanted me to do. Junior year rolled around, and as other people started planning and preparing where they wanted to go and what they wanted to study in college, I was still lost searching. One Sunday morning, a missionary to India came and spoke at our church. Again, I could not tell you what was spoken on at all, but I do remember one brief moment when this missionary mentioned an English school for orphans that his ministry has organized. I cannot explain what happened inside of me when I heard this. I do not know what made this idea stick out to me among all of the other things this missionary was sharing, but I so know that as soon as he mentioned teaching English as a foreign language, I knew that was what I wanted to study. I had never before heard of teaching English as a second language. I had no idea what ESL meant. I did not know you could study teaching ESL. I just knew that I was supposed to be doing it.
We got home from church that afternoon, and I told my parents my idea. I think they were happy for me, but I do not remember any significant reaction, positive or negative, coming from them. The next Sunday, when we walked into the sanctuary, there were little slips of paper on each chair listing the foreign mission trips our church would be involved in over the coming year. As I glanced at the little piece of paper, I noticed a trip to South East Asia. I scrolled my eyes over to the description of the trip, only to find that a team was going to teach conversational English! It was the perfect opportunity that God had placed in my lap, and although I was scared, I followed Him anyway.
My trip was probably one of the greatest experiences of my life. However, it also brougt to my mind a lot of worries about the future. These worries were only elevated on my admission to college. I began realizing the greatness of the call God put on my life. I became scared. What would I do in a high risk nation without my family? How would I survive? I realized my lack of qualification. I could never go up to a stranger and begin a conversation, especially with the purpose of sharing something that is highly dangerous in their country to talk about. I can't even manage learning Spanish; how am I supposed to speak another language in order to teach a class a language that is foregin to them? All of these fears built up inside of me. In addition to that, I felt completely inadequate spiritually as well. Who am I to serve God overseas if I cannot regularly set aside time to meet with Him every morning? Who am I to share Jesus with people in another counrty if I struggle to share Jesus with the people I know here? My prayer quickly turned from praise to God about the great work He had done in revealing His plan to a plea for Him to remove it from me. I found myself in Moses's place, asking God to "send someone else to do it."
I have come to realize, though, that God is a big God. The words that He spoke to Moses resonate in my mind: "Who gave man his mouth? Who made him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." God does not need my ablities to work in the world. He chooses to use my surrendered self, but it is He who does the work. I have also come to realize that my life is not mine. I have surrendered it to God. Thus, He is able to place me wherever He desires.
It is a daily struggle for me to continue following the path that God has laid before me, especially given my many fears and uncertainties. I am learning the meaning of picking up my cross daily and following Him. I am learning not to get ahead of myself, but to follow God one step at a time, taking one day at a time. I am trusting Him that years from now, I will be able to look back at all that I have gone through and praise God for doing a marvelous work in my life that I could not imagine.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Oh my! I am so sorry it has taken me so long to finish the last part of this blogging series! I had totally forgotten about it until... well... now. It is going to take me awhile to rewind that far back in my mind, but let me try. Actually, I think I am going to extend this series for you because I wrote a paper for my English class about our last week of camp, so I'll probably post that separately. Hopefully that will shorten the length of this post. (Which I'm sure would be nice for you all, but it would certainly be nice for me. My fingers get tired!)
We had been warned about the second to last week of camp: Boy's Week by the director of the week before. I realize this is not the forum to vent certain frustrations, but I will say that there were plenty of them. On top of working with difficult adults, we were working with about 30 hyperactive, 4th-7th grade boys. Oh boy(s).
This week was probably the most difficult, but I'm sure it was even moreso for the guys as us girls got to hang out by ourselves during cabin time, and drive to the home we were staying at evey night. (Being boys week, there was no point in us staying overnight when we had no cabin to look over.) The stresses were high, the frustrations were high, and the focus on ministry was very low.
Looking back on this week, I wish I could have done it over. I was so angry with people that I forgot why I was at this camp in the first place. I was not there to make people happy. Really, I wasn't there to run games or music or teach lessons help out with crafts or tell boys what they can or cannot do. I was there to love God and love His children. Though there is no doubt in my mind that God can and will use what happened in that week for His own glory, it is rather difficult for me to look back and recognize the fact that I did not do what I had been called to.
I wish I had some funny stories to tell about this week, but it has been awhile, and most of the things that I do remember I should probably not write about.
Being this was the second to last week of camp and the worst week yet, us counselors were not looking forward to our last week together this summer. We had met the director for girl's week two weeks prior. I guess you could say her motto was, "cleanliness is next to godliness!" as she made clear to us at our initial meeting. Before we even had time to think about what we were going to wear the first day that week (our red camp shirts that we wore every week), she already had a list of every other minor detail that could not be less important going into a week of camp. So, needless to say, we were more than a little discouraged that the very end of our summer was going to turn out so bad. I think we were even more disappointed that God did not seem to be working in any of the lives of the kids we met the whole summer. I prayed the whole week before that God would change our attitudes about the week we were about to face. It was the Thursday night before that I finally surrendered my work to Him. I realized that there was nothing I could do or plan to change lives. It is all His power. I let go of all my plans and ideas and let God lead the way. Only then were we really able to see Him working. It is still amazing to me how when we really pray to God in humility and surrenderance how big He answers our prayers. I don't think any of us were prepared for what we saw Him do that last week...
We had been warned about the second to last week of camp: Boy's Week by the director of the week before. I realize this is not the forum to vent certain frustrations, but I will say that there were plenty of them. On top of working with difficult adults, we were working with about 30 hyperactive, 4th-7th grade boys. Oh boy(s).
This week was probably the most difficult, but I'm sure it was even moreso for the guys as us girls got to hang out by ourselves during cabin time, and drive to the home we were staying at evey night. (Being boys week, there was no point in us staying overnight when we had no cabin to look over.) The stresses were high, the frustrations were high, and the focus on ministry was very low.
Looking back on this week, I wish I could have done it over. I was so angry with people that I forgot why I was at this camp in the first place. I was not there to make people happy. Really, I wasn't there to run games or music or teach lessons help out with crafts or tell boys what they can or cannot do. I was there to love God and love His children. Though there is no doubt in my mind that God can and will use what happened in that week for His own glory, it is rather difficult for me to look back and recognize the fact that I did not do what I had been called to.
I wish I had some funny stories to tell about this week, but it has been awhile, and most of the things that I do remember I should probably not write about.
Being this was the second to last week of camp and the worst week yet, us counselors were not looking forward to our last week together this summer. We had met the director for girl's week two weeks prior. I guess you could say her motto was, "cleanliness is next to godliness!" as she made clear to us at our initial meeting. Before we even had time to think about what we were going to wear the first day that week (our red camp shirts that we wore every week), she already had a list of every other minor detail that could not be less important going into a week of camp. So, needless to say, we were more than a little discouraged that the very end of our summer was going to turn out so bad. I think we were even more disappointed that God did not seem to be working in any of the lives of the kids we met the whole summer. I prayed the whole week before that God would change our attitudes about the week we were about to face. It was the Thursday night before that I finally surrendered my work to Him. I realized that there was nothing I could do or plan to change lives. It is all His power. I let go of all my plans and ideas and let God lead the way. Only then were we really able to see Him working. It is still amazing to me how when we really pray to God in humility and surrenderance how big He answers our prayers. I don't think any of us were prepared for what we saw Him do that last week...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
