Longing for a Word

*Disclamer: Ok, so I wrote this a long while ago, but I've been too embarrassed to post it. I will be the first to admit that I am no Frost or Thoreau. My rhyming scheme is unambitious and my meter is non-existent. Yet in the time that I wrote this I was really aching and lonely, and this seemed to be an appropriate way to express myself. You know, like when a little kid draws a picture and to you it looks like the crayon box puked on the page, but they are completely satisfied with the masterpiece they created? That's what this is. I only give this disclamer to say please don't judge my skills or lack thereof. I only share this because I want to be open and honest about how God has worked in my life, including in my time of aching.

Speak to me, God!
Words I do not know.
Condemnation,
Exhortation,
Your judgment,
Your mercy-
Anything to tell me
that I am not alone.

I need to hear from you, God!
Let me know that You are near.
Wrap your arms around me tightly,
Because I'm shaking with fear!

Fear of the future,
Guilt from the past,
Worries and regrets,
Pain,
Frustration,
Bitterness;
God, how am I supposed to cope with all of this!?

I can't do this myself!
I need You to lift me up!
I need to hear your voice!
I need You to fill my cup!

God, You are my Provider,
my Sufficiency,
my Lord,
my Infinate Maker,
my Intimate Savior,
my Rock,
my Shield,
my Eternal Reward.

So I will trust in You, God,
and I will praise Your name.
No matter my circumstance:
Burnt-out or aflame.

You are still God,
and You are still good.
This is enough for me.
I am nothing but Your creation,
Your vessle,
Your tool.
Do what You will with me.

I don't understand why I'm here,
Why I struggle to hear You call,
But I trust that if I keep seaching,
You will draw near after all.

So I will continue searching,
Calling,
Reaching,
Crying to You.
God, please don't fail me.
I need to hear from You.