Friday, March 9, 2012
If I could summarize what God has been teaching me the past few months in one phrase, it would be "Grow up." Usually, when someone says this, it's with a sarcastic tone, probably with a rolling of the eyes. I hope that God would show more patience with me than that, though. There seems to be a lot of areas of my life that God is revealing to me that I need to act more maturely in. And it has not been easy. In fact, it's been a lot of fighting with myself and the desire to kick and scream and stomp and say, "No! I don't want to grow up! I don't want to act mature! I want to do what I want to do! I want to hold on to my grudge! I want people to feel sorry for me! I want to be recognized and taken care of! I, I, I! Me, me, me!" And yet, God has calmly and patiently guided me to recognize that, indeed, I need to grow up and act mature. I cannot act like a child anymore.
One area that I have found myself returning to over and over again most recently is forgiveness. Never before has it been such a battle to let things go! Or, perhaps never before have I been willing to battle. Either way, it is not an easy fight. I think the hardest part has been discerning what I am allowed to feel and I really do need to let go of. Because, honestly, I want to feel bitter and angry and wronged. I want people to know that I hurt. How could it possibly be fair to just drop things and move on!? And yet, that seems to be exactly what God says to do. I keep telling Him over and over again, "But, God! This isn't fair! Why should I be the bigger person!? My feelings were hurt, too! Can't I just hold onto this for a little while longer!?" But His response is the same every. single. time. "Elizabeth, remember what I did for you? Remember how I forgave? How many times have you disobeyed Me, blasphemed Me, disowned Me, wronged Me? And did I hold on to a grudge? When you came and apologized, did I reject your words because it wasn't fair? No. I accepted your sincerity of heart, I took you back, and I said, 'let's move forward from here.'" Dang it. I know He's right, but it doesn't make it any easier a lesson to learn. I guess that's why I'm so frustrated with myself. God has forgiven me of so much, and here I am struggling to forgive the littlest of wrongs.
In class a couple of weeks ago, we were examining the recorded prayers of Christ in the New Testament. After being betrayed my one of his closest followers, unjustly tried, beaten until he was unrecognizable, mocked, and nailed to a cross to die, it is recorded in Luke 23:34 that Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." Forgive them? The God-Man was asking His Father to forgive them!? After reading this verse, my professor wisely stated that, "the key to forgiveness is identification with Christ." If Jesus, who has done no wrong was able to forgive the greatest wrong ever committed, how much more so should I, then, as someone who deserves at least some wrong, be willing to forgive someone else? Gah! So true, but so hard!
Recently, I was studying the word "philos," or "friend" in the New Testament. More specifically, I was studying Jesus as a friend. It was a really interesting study. John 15:13 is probably a pretty familiar verse to many of us. In it, Jesus says, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." I think , a lot of times, we almost use this verse out of context. We say, "I am a friend of God!" (which I don't think we would say so casually upon reading verse 14) and we almost take it as an encouragement that Jesus thinks so highly of us. But, on further study, I think we should instead be convicted that Jesus would think so highly of us. Another popularly quoted scripture is Romans 5:8. I can't believe, though, that we don't include verses 6 and 7 with it! I'm not sure if I've talked about these verses before, but they're just so good, so even if I have, let's read them again: "For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." When Christ died for me, I wasn't His friend. I was His enemy! I was completely against Him! And still, as John 15 says, He loved me with the greatest love a friend could have.
I guess the reason I am sharing these passages is because, recently, I've struggled to forgive those who I love. Those people who I consider my friends. And yet, Christ was willing to love and forgive me even when I was His enemy. Again, the key to love and forgiveness is identification with Christ. I hate that I have had such a hard time with this. I feel so silly struggling to forgive when Christ forgave so much more than I will ever have to. I don't want to grow up. But, knowing Christ and the length that He went through so that I could have a restored relationship with Him, I am compelled to.
One area that I have found myself returning to over and over again most recently is forgiveness. Never before has it been such a battle to let things go! Or, perhaps never before have I been willing to battle. Either way, it is not an easy fight. I think the hardest part has been discerning what I am allowed to feel and I really do need to let go of. Because, honestly, I want to feel bitter and angry and wronged. I want people to know that I hurt. How could it possibly be fair to just drop things and move on!? And yet, that seems to be exactly what God says to do. I keep telling Him over and over again, "But, God! This isn't fair! Why should I be the bigger person!? My feelings were hurt, too! Can't I just hold onto this for a little while longer!?" But His response is the same every. single. time. "Elizabeth, remember what I did for you? Remember how I forgave? How many times have you disobeyed Me, blasphemed Me, disowned Me, wronged Me? And did I hold on to a grudge? When you came and apologized, did I reject your words because it wasn't fair? No. I accepted your sincerity of heart, I took you back, and I said, 'let's move forward from here.'" Dang it. I know He's right, but it doesn't make it any easier a lesson to learn. I guess that's why I'm so frustrated with myself. God has forgiven me of so much, and here I am struggling to forgive the littlest of wrongs.
In class a couple of weeks ago, we were examining the recorded prayers of Christ in the New Testament. After being betrayed my one of his closest followers, unjustly tried, beaten until he was unrecognizable, mocked, and nailed to a cross to die, it is recorded in Luke 23:34 that Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." Forgive them? The God-Man was asking His Father to forgive them!? After reading this verse, my professor wisely stated that, "the key to forgiveness is identification with Christ." If Jesus, who has done no wrong was able to forgive the greatest wrong ever committed, how much more so should I, then, as someone who deserves at least some wrong, be willing to forgive someone else? Gah! So true, but so hard!
Recently, I was studying the word "philos," or "friend" in the New Testament. More specifically, I was studying Jesus as a friend. It was a really interesting study. John 15:13 is probably a pretty familiar verse to many of us. In it, Jesus says, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." I think , a lot of times, we almost use this verse out of context. We say, "I am a friend of God!" (which I don't think we would say so casually upon reading verse 14) and we almost take it as an encouragement that Jesus thinks so highly of us. But, on further study, I think we should instead be convicted that Jesus would think so highly of us. Another popularly quoted scripture is Romans 5:8. I can't believe, though, that we don't include verses 6 and 7 with it! I'm not sure if I've talked about these verses before, but they're just so good, so even if I have, let's read them again: "For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." When Christ died for me, I wasn't His friend. I was His enemy! I was completely against Him! And still, as John 15 says, He loved me with the greatest love a friend could have.
I guess the reason I am sharing these passages is because, recently, I've struggled to forgive those who I love. Those people who I consider my friends. And yet, Christ was willing to love and forgive me even when I was His enemy. Again, the key to love and forgiveness is identification with Christ. I hate that I have had such a hard time with this. I feel so silly struggling to forgive when Christ forgave so much more than I will ever have to. I don't want to grow up. But, knowing Christ and the length that He went through so that I could have a restored relationship with Him, I am compelled to.
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