Tuesday, November 13, 2012
You know that scene in the action movie where the side-kick/ best friend/ love interest somehow finds him/herself falling off the edge of the cliff, but at the last moment grabs a hold of something? Her feet still dangle on the edge, rocks slipping from underneath her, down into nothingness, and as her fingers struggle to clench tight around what ever is holding her up, she knows that if she fails to hold on, she will fall as well.
That's a pretty dramatic scene, and perhaps could have been described a little better, but if I were to choose a way to describe where I am right now, it would be at the edge of a cliff. There have been so many changes recently, and sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding on. My heart is beating so fast with anxiety over things that I do not understand and cannot control. I praise God that He has given me Truth to hang on to, but sometimes I feel like my knuckles are cramping and at any moment, I could lose my grasp and fall over the edge. I hear Him saying, "Trust Me. Hold on to Me," and I trying, but I see the rocks slipping beneath my feel, and I just want Him to pick me up and set me on solid ground where I can feel safe. Yet, I know that, if I got this wish, I could very well feel comfortable enough to let go of Him and start walking confidently on my own. But where I am now, I have no choice but to trust Him and continue to hold on to what I know is true.
I just finished reading through Job recently, and there are a couple of things that I'm still chewing on. I don't understand why God would allow Job's children to die. It just seems cruel and terrible, and I don't think I will ever understand why it had to happen that way. But I know God and I trust what I have read and seen of His character, so even when I don't understand, I still choose to trust Him. In her book, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things, Beth Moore asks, "Do you realize Job endured the entire excruciating ordeal without ever knowing he was in the middle of a match between the God of the universe and the head dragon of hell? Even at the conclusion of the Old Testament book, Job still had no idea" (83). God never answered any of Job's questions. He never told Job why he had to endure such loss. But Job got to know God in such a new and incredible way! He experienced God's sovereignty, His omnipotence and omniscience. He knew that God's ways are so much higher than ours. Who was Job, a mere man, to even begin to understand why God works the way He does?
And this is where I am. I've talked about change and trust a lot recently. I feel like a broken record, but it is still something that God is drilling me in. I don't understand what is going on around me recently, nor do I understand sometimes how God can work through it. What I do know, however, is God. I have read of His sovereign goodness and His patient loving-kindness. I have experienced it. Now I must trust Him, even when I do not understand, because He is the only One keeping me from falling. If you would have told me six months ago that I would be where I am today, I would almost not believe you. These past several months have brought a lot of changes and challenges. I have never had to rely on the Lord like I am having to now, and I am experiencing Him, like Job, in a new way. I do not enjoy struggle. But I appreciate where God is leading me through my struggle.
"I had heard rumors about You, but now my eyes have seen You." -Job 42:5
That's a pretty dramatic scene, and perhaps could have been described a little better, but if I were to choose a way to describe where I am right now, it would be at the edge of a cliff. There have been so many changes recently, and sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding on. My heart is beating so fast with anxiety over things that I do not understand and cannot control. I praise God that He has given me Truth to hang on to, but sometimes I feel like my knuckles are cramping and at any moment, I could lose my grasp and fall over the edge. I hear Him saying, "Trust Me. Hold on to Me," and I trying, but I see the rocks slipping beneath my feel, and I just want Him to pick me up and set me on solid ground where I can feel safe. Yet, I know that, if I got this wish, I could very well feel comfortable enough to let go of Him and start walking confidently on my own. But where I am now, I have no choice but to trust Him and continue to hold on to what I know is true.
I just finished reading through Job recently, and there are a couple of things that I'm still chewing on. I don't understand why God would allow Job's children to die. It just seems cruel and terrible, and I don't think I will ever understand why it had to happen that way. But I know God and I trust what I have read and seen of His character, so even when I don't understand, I still choose to trust Him. In her book, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things, Beth Moore asks, "Do you realize Job endured the entire excruciating ordeal without ever knowing he was in the middle of a match between the God of the universe and the head dragon of hell? Even at the conclusion of the Old Testament book, Job still had no idea" (83). God never answered any of Job's questions. He never told Job why he had to endure such loss. But Job got to know God in such a new and incredible way! He experienced God's sovereignty, His omnipotence and omniscience. He knew that God's ways are so much higher than ours. Who was Job, a mere man, to even begin to understand why God works the way He does?
And this is where I am. I've talked about change and trust a lot recently. I feel like a broken record, but it is still something that God is drilling me in. I don't understand what is going on around me recently, nor do I understand sometimes how God can work through it. What I do know, however, is God. I have read of His sovereign goodness and His patient loving-kindness. I have experienced it. Now I must trust Him, even when I do not understand, because He is the only One keeping me from falling. If you would have told me six months ago that I would be where I am today, I would almost not believe you. These past several months have brought a lot of changes and challenges. I have never had to rely on the Lord like I am having to now, and I am experiencing Him, like Job, in a new way. I do not enjoy struggle. But I appreciate where God is leading me through my struggle.
"I had heard rumors about You, but now my eyes have seen You." -Job 42:5
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