Whatever seems good to You.

Right now I'm reading through 2 Samuel. It's definitely a good book (it's part of the Bible, it has to be, right?). There's a lot of plot to follow, a lot of action and drama, and I'm really enjoying learning the history of Israel. However, 2 Samuel has also been very hard to read. Just recently I've read through the stories of David and Bathsheba and Uriah as well as Tamar and Amnon and Absalom, and those are not kind stories! In fact, just yesterday I began reading the story of Absalom's conspiracy against the king (his own father!) in chapter 15. I'm not finished reading the story, but basically, this is what I've gathered so far:

Absalom wants to become king, so every day he goes to the gate of the city and tells people coming in that there is no one to listen to their complaints, but that if he were king, he would make sure they were heard! He also tells his dad (King David) that he wants to go to Hebron to worship, but brings a whole lot of other men with him. Basically, all of the people love Absalom (verse 13), which forces David and his family to leave Jerusalem for safety. A bunch of people follow David that he tells to go back to the city, if only to stir up trouble for Absalom and to bring him news of what's going down in Jerusalem. Zadok the priest (does anyone else think of Handel's song when they hear Zadok's name? No? Just me? Ok, then. Moving on...) Zadok also came with David and the group of Levites carrying the ark of the covenant came as well. However, David told them to take the ark back to Jerusalem. In fact, here is what verses 25 and 26 say, "The king said to Zadok, 'Take the ark of God back into the city. If I find favor in the Lord's eyes, he will bring me back and let me see it and His dwelling place again. But if He says, 'I am not please with you,' then I am ready; let Him do to me whatever seems good to Him.'"

Wow. I just don't even know what to say. David was willing to be overthrown by his son, even to die, if it was what seemed good to God. Thinking about this prayer, I am convicted about the many times I seem to think that I know what will bring God the most glory in my life, despite His leading in another direction. "Oh, no, God, I know You said I should do this, but I really think what you meant to say was that I should do something else... but to You be the glory!" To be completely honest with you, I've been struggling a lot recently with not getting my way. I ask God, "Why do You have to make things so difficult? Why can't things just got the way I want them to?" I'm sure that if David had his way, he wouldn't be fleeing from his home or running away from his son who is trying to overthrow him. But David was willing to surrender what he wanted if it meant that God would be more pleased this other way.

I think a lot with missions, we, or at least I, expect things to go a certain way. The way we raise support, the way our team works, the travel plans we make, the people we meet and the relationships we build, even the conversations we have- they all will go a certain way. But what if they don't? What if support isn't raised right away? What if the team disagrees or the travel plans change? What if the conversations we planned to have go in a totally different direction? Even beyond short term missions, what if God calls me somewhere else than missions? What if He doesn't? Is it still ok? Will I still be able to say, "let Him do whatever seems good to Him."?

God,

I am learning, but I still have so much more to learn. May I desire Your will above my own. May the testimony of my life bring glory to You. You are good.



And... just because now it's stuck in my head:

I Can't Do This!

So, I'm going to be honest and let you all know that the reason I haven't posted in... like, a month?... is because I have no idea what to say! That's the bother with blogs! They always assume you have something to say! And while my parents would probably disagree, I don't always have words flowing out of my mouth... or in this case, fingers. :)

I thought I would take the time, though, to share with you all something that God has been teaching me recently. This is something that has been on my heart for awhile, and actually, I've had the opportunity to share it a couple of times with some people, but I thought it would fit well in a missions context as well. Since being back at school this semester, I have really felt inadequate in... well... a lot of what I'm involved with: my major, my ministry, my career aspirations, life... (Maybe that last one is a slight dramatization, but you get the point.) So, basically, I came to a point of realization that I am not equipped to do it ("it" being a non-specific word). I became so overwhelmed by obligations and expectations for everything that I just broke.

I wish that I could say that, in coming to God with my inadequacy, He said to me, "Don't be silly! You can do this!" Actually, He told me something quite different. Galatians 3:10-13 says, "All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who does not continue to everything written in the Book of the Law.' Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, 'The righteous will live by faith.' The law is not based on faith; on the contrary, 'the man who does these things will live by them.' Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.'" I know that these verses are talking about living by the law verses living by faith, and I don't mean to take them out of context, but I think this passage can be applied in this context as well. What God said to me was actually, "Elizabeth, you are right; you cannot do this on your own. But even before now, you have not been able to do it on your own." This passage in Galatians says that we have not reached God through our own efforts. In fact, if we do rely on our own efforts, we are "cursed." However, it is Christ who redeemed us from the curse! It was His efforts, not mine, that brought me to salvation, and it is His efforts in me that will lead me to victory in the plans He has laid out for me. Where I am weak, that is where He is able to show His strength, and where I cannot do it, He is able to be glorified. So, be encouraged! We all get to be a part of God's plan and work, and even when we feel inadequate, His still owns the victory!

That being said, I do have a financial update to give. Though the total amount of my trip will be somewhere around $3,600, I have already raised $2,100! Thank you so much to those who have helped in supporting me, be it through prayer or financially, or even both! It is SO encouraging to know that there are people behind my team and me as we prepare to take this trip to share God's Word! That being said, I still have a large chunk of money yet to raise, and I humbly ask that if you desire to support my team and me financially, that you take the opportunity to do so through this link. Thank you again to those who have already given, and please continue to pray for my team and me as we continue to prepare for our trip! I am sure that May will come sooner than expected and soon we will be off!

It's a Wonderful Life!

Merry Christmas, everyone! I know I’m a little late, but for all the preparation and excitement that goes into that one day a year, I think the season should last a little longer. (This is me trying to find an excuse for a late Christmas greeting. Is it working?) I love this time of year! I was trying to think about what my favorite part of Christmas break from school has been so far (because you know it’s a question you will be asked back at school), but I’ve enjoyed so much of it! The Christmas dinner, the decorations, the music, the movies and Christmas specials, the gifts, family time, playing in the snow (which we had this week!), hot chocolate and Christmas cookies, getting warm and cozy in some fluffy socks and pjs… ah! It’s all so wonderful! My absolute favorite Christmas movie of all times is It’s a Wonderful Life. For any poor unfortunate soul who hasn’t seen it, the movie centers around a man, George Bailey, who dreams of becoming an architect. George’s dad runs a small building and loan company, helping families in the small community of Bedford Falls. Through a series of events, George is unable to pursue his dream, but spends his life, to his frustration, continuing his father’s business. After an unfortunate mistake by his uncle and business partner, which would result in George’s arrest, he believes that his family and friends would be much better off if he were dead, and contemplates suicide. He is saved by his guardian angel, Clarence, who allows George to see what Bedford Falls and the lives of everyone he knows and cares about would be like if he had never been born. I don’t want to give too much away, but here is one of my most favorite clips of the whole movie:



That close up shot of the wide-eyed Jimmy Stewart is probably one of my favorites in the whole film (you have to admit, it's pretty awesome). Besides that, I love the message of the movie. George Bailey was a man with a plan. He was going to go to college, he was going to travel, he was going to build bridges and skyscrapers... but his life did not go according to his plan. Instead, he lived a humble life in a humble town making a humble living. Yet his legacy was huge! George Bailey might have been a nobody, but he was a nobody who made a difference. You know, sometimes I wonder what my life will look like in ten, twenty years. To be completely honest, I would love to be living in New England (I love the mountains, the fall colors, the snow...), being a stay at home mom, supporting my husband, maybe substitute teaching... yet my passion lies elsewhere. I long to worship God through serving a people who do not know Him. Honestly, I do not know where my life will be in ten or twenty years. Maybe I will be in New England, maybe in East Asia, maybe somewhere completely different. But, I hope, maybe a little selfishly, that I can have a legacy like that of George Bailey. Fictional character though he may be, his life was valuable to those he came into contact with. No matter where I am or what I am doing, I want to do all as a servant of others, bringing glory to the One who deserves it above all others.

God,
The way You organize people and events to bring Yourself glory amazes me. I don't know what Your plan is for my life, but I know that it is much better than my plan could ever be, and my desire above all else is to be Your vessel, changing lives for the better, no matter where I am. Make Yourself known to the nations. Use me as a part of Your plan to do so. I trust You.

Here I raise my Ebenezer

Well, I wish I had something missions minded or inspirational to say today. In fact, I haven't posted in over a week because I was waiting for inspiration. But, alas, I have found none and must continue on writing anyways. I know that I said in my last post that I was going to try to talk about money less, and this is still true, but I wanted to say thank you to all of you who have supported me, even just by visiting this blog! You have been a huge encouragement to me, and I am truly, incredibly blessed. You know, raising support is not an easy task. And while it's neat and exciting to hear about the amazing ways God is providing for people, you never really hear the stories about those who are struggling to raise support. That's me. It has been a struggle, and I don't mean to say that in search of pity, but to say that, even when we are struggling, be it with finances or another area of life, God is still good. He is always good. Even in my struggle, He is still good. I just wanted to share with you all today how God has been reminding me of His goodness and His gracious faithfulness recently.

Right now I am reading through 1 Samuel. This past week was really hard getting back into the groove of school and work and other responsibilities after having a whole week off for Thanksgiving. One morning, I was just so worn out and overwhelmed, I just had to cry to God for help, and He was so good to allow me to read through chapter 7. Before I share with you what God shared with me, let me give you the story leading up to this chapter:

Eli was the Judge over Israel at the time, and his sons, Hophni and Phinehas (Is that pronounced like Phineas, like Phineas and Ferb? Just wondering.) served as priests as well. However, while Eli followed the Lord, his sons did not. In chapter 4, Israel is in battle against the Philistines and losing. So, with the help of Hophni and Phinehas, they bring the ark of the covenant with them to help them in their fight against the Philistines. However, the opposite happens and the Philistines not only defeat the Israelites, but they take the ark of the covenant with them.

May I just add a side note here and say that when I read this chapter, I was really confused. When the Philistines heard that the ark had come to the Israelite camp, they were afraid of the power of Israel's God. Yet, God gave them victory over Israel. Why would God allow His image to be tainted? Couldn't He have come up with another solution in which Israel was punished for their disobedience AND where the Philistines were still awed by the power of God? But this was the best solution according to God, and reading on in chapters 5 and 6, my confusion was resolved. :)

So, after the Philistines brought back the ark with them, they set it in the temple of one of their gods, Dagon. When they came into the temple later, they found the statue of Dagon fallen on its face in front of the ark. They picked the statue back up, but it fell down again later, only this time, the arms and head had fallen off the body. The people of the city got tumors as well, and they all knew it was the wrath of the God to whom the ark belonged. The Philistines tried to pass the ark on to other cities, but no on wanted to take it. So, on the advice of their priests, they set the ark on a cart, attached two cows to the front of the cart, and the cart went, with no one to guide it, back to Israel. Wow. Talk about major statement of holiness from God! Wow.

So, finally, we've made it to chapter 7, which is what I really wanted to talk about. I have to add that by this time, Eli and his two sons had died and Samuel (the son of Hannah, who wept and prayed that God would give her a child and then dedicated him to God) was the priest and judge of Israel. For 20 years, the ark stayed in the city it had returned to, and, verse 2 says, "all the people of Israel mourned and sought after the Lord." Then, (I love this part) Samuel says to Israel, "If you are returning to Israel with all your hearts, then rid yourselves of the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths and commit yourselves to the Lord and serve Him only, and He will deliver you out of the hands of the Philistines." So that's exactly what the people did. They got rid of all of their idols and served God. The Israelites gathered together to repent and worship, but when the Philistines heard that the people of Israel were gathering together, they gathered to attack Israel once again. Samuel then cried out to God on Israel's behalf that He would protect them, and God created a great panic among the Philistines and the Israelites won. Well... God won, but He won for the Israelites.

So here is the part that I really wanted to get to: After all of this happened, this is what verse 12 says, "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, 'Thus far has the Lord helped us.'" He named the stone (and the place, 4:1) "Ebenezer." Like, Scrooge? In church we sing the song, "Here I raise my ebenezer," but I always thought that it meant sacrificing yourself- the good, the bad, all of it. But that's not what the word means at all! The word "ebenezer" means "stone of help," and Samuel named it that because God had helped them. The words of the song connect a lot better to the second part "hither by Thy help I come" when we consider this meaning (the real meaning) instead.

These words could not have come to me at a better time not only as I struggle to raise support, but as the obligations of life can seem too much. God is my help. I can raise my stone of help, my ebenezer, to Him in praise and remembrance of how He has helped me in the past, but also as a cry from help in present trouble. And I can trust that He is good and He is faithful and I have help.

Thank you, Lord, for Your many blessings in my life that often go unrecognized. You are faithful to those who love You. I read the testimony of Your faithfulness in Your Word, but I also experience Your faithfulness in my own life. Please, God, do not fail me. Remain good as I know You will. Thank you for Your goodness and Your help. I trust in You. Grow me in my trust.

And My God Will Provide All Your Needs

"And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus" -Philippians 4:19

These are the familiar words of Paul to the church in Philippi. The interesting thing about this passage is that the Philippians were the ones who were giving to Paul. Paul was in prison at the time that he wrote this letter. The Philippians were concerned for Paul and did what they could to help him. Paul wrote this letter to the church to thank them for their concern, but to encourage them not to worry, but to have joy! Let me share with you the verses surrounding this verse:

"I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Yet it was good for you to share in my troubles. Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid again and again when I was in need. Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account. I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gift that you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen."

As I prepare for my team's trip to Southeast Asia this summer, my mind speeds through a list of worries and fears: What if I don't know what to do? What if I mess up? What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to raise all of this money? This last one has been a big fear recently. Yet this passage was brought to my attention again and again.

I love competition. Sometimes, though, my competitive spirit gets the better of me, and I begin comparing myself to others in ways that are unfair to both them and me. As I've been stressing about raising money for my trip, it has been easy for me to look at others and see how quickly God is providing for them and get jealous that He has not provided for me in the same way. As selfish as it is, and as embarrassing as it is to admit, I quickly turn to God and complain. "Why is it always so difficult for me!? Can't you, for once, make it easy like everyone else?" How foolish it is for me to say such things to God. Really! And that is exactly what God told me: that I was being foolish. "This is not about you." What a reality check! God made it very evident that the purpose of this whole trip, even the preparation, even raising money, was to bring Him glory. If I was provided for quickly, it would be to His glory. If money came in more slowly, it was to bring Him glory. I realized that I had become so selfish in getting so caught up in raising money, that I forgot whose money it was to raise in the first place. I don't mean to be passive. Not at all! But I learned that I am not sovereign. I cannot control how I am provided for. Only God can do that.

That being said, I knew that I was still called to "do good to all" as I had opportunity (Galatians 6:10). As foolish as it sounds trying to raise money for my own trip, I knew that I had plenty of opportunity around me to be generous to others. I say this not to brag, but to share how good and gracious God is. As I learned to surrender what I thought was mine to God, He was so good to bless me in my area of need. I am so encouraged and humbled by those who desire to help me as I prepare for this trip. I don't mean to compare myself to the Philippians by any means, but I do have a new found appreciation for this passage. God is good, and I am so blessed to experience His goodness through the kindness of others.

I don't want this blog to become all about money, and I hope in the future to write about other things that God impresses on me, but I did want to take the time to share how He has blessed me so far and what I have learned from it and say thank you for your support and prayer. God is good. :)