Thursday, May 13, 2010
Recently an old friend from elementary school sent me a facebook friend request. It was so neat to see how she was doing and to reminisce on old times and almost forgotten memories. Though growing up as a diva princess, there are a number of decisions, big and small, that I regret, after reconnecting with my friend, I was brought back to one specific moment in my past that I wish I could go back and do over.
When I was in the third grade, my dad took my brother, my best friend, and me to kids' summer church camp for a week. I don't remember much about my camp experience, but there is one memory that sticks vividly in my mind. The last day of camp, we were all sitting in the fold up chairs the counselors had lined in rows in front if the stage outside while they spoke about what it meant to be saved. Growing up in the typical Christian home, I was saved at a young age and so knew that I did not need to respond to this invitation. My best friend, however, did not grow up in the same kind of home that I had, and though I had shared with her the decision that I had made and I thought she had made the same decision, I realize now that what I understood salvation to be at that young age was very shallow. The counselors took turns sharing the importance Jesus had in their lives, and then they gave an invitation to any and all of us desiring to experience the same change they had. Secure in my decision, I sat in my seat, smiling at all of those standing up and walking toward the front. As I was scanning the crowd to see if I knew any of the faces up front, my friend tugged my arm and whispered to me, "I want to go up there. Will you come with me?" Now that I'm older, I know I should have been so excited and said yes, but at the time, all that was on my mind was myself and what other people would think of me if I was standing up there. Sure, meeting Jesus was good for everyone else, but I had already met Him, and if I were to walk up there with my friend, it would seem like I had been lying the whole time. My friend was adamant, though, and so, after a few moments, we walked up onto the stage together holding hands. I made sure to find a place in the back where no one could see me as they all clapped at us who were standing to make a decision for Jesus. After they prayed, the counselors wanted to break us up into smaller groups to talk with us on a more intimate level about the decision we were making. My selfish shame grew as my friend asked me to go with her to one of the groups. I was already saved! What didn't she get about that!? And not only that, but I sat with her in her room while she prayed the sinner's prayer as well. (I, of course, warned her not to tell her family who probably wouldn't let us be friends anymore if they knew I had converted her from Catholicism.) My friend pouted and cried and begged me to go with her, but I put my foot down and told her I was not going. If she wanted to go, she could, but that meeting was not for me.
My friend did not speak to a counselor about receiving Christ, and one year later I moved away. This many years later, I still cannot forget the ridiculous pride and selfishness that I allowed to get in the way of my friend's decision for eternity. Had I responded differently, would she be living a different life? Would she have made different choices or chosen a different career path? I know God is sovereign, but my foolish, ignorant mistake still haunts me. You would think that after such an experience, I would learn to use every opportunity I have to make a difference in people's lives for the sake of Christ, but I am sitting here at the end of my second year of college telling you that I have not. I have still missed countless opportunities to serve that I will never got back.
I had an assignment for one of my classes this semester to write a bucket list. This assignment seems simple and fun until you actually have to sit down and write it and think of what you want to do with your life. There are so many things I would like to accomplish before I die, but after writing my paper and reading it over, I realized how trivial all of it was. Really, before I die, I don't care whether or not I get to travel to all fifty states or see a rocket ship launch or become a published author. All I want to do is make a difference. I want to be found faithful to the call God has given me and through that call, effect the lives of many people. That is my greatest desire and yearning passion, but my hurt and heart ache is in knowing how.
How do I make a difference in such a big world? What am I supposed to do? I need direction! I need guidance! I need instruction on how to do this, because I have no idea what I'm doing on my own. I stepped into this school year with such fire! God was going to do great things in this year on campus and around the world! I knew it, I believed it, I prayed for it, I taught it, and yet, after a few months, I lost it. I became so caught up in my problems and my issues that I began to ignore the issues of the people around me. I am reminded of the story of the master who went away for some time and left his three servants in charge of his money. Two of the servants invested what they had been given and received profit, but one was so worried about losing what he had that he buried what he had been given. What profit have I accumulated for the Master this year? Have I just buried the riches I have been given in the ground? I wish that I had done better this year, and yet, it was not so much of a "go do this, go do that" kind of thing that I missed. I missed out on being available, being open, and seeking opportunities to serve.
God, Please forgive me for my selfish pride. In Your sovereignty, redeem those whom You have called. Forgive me for the missed opportunities that I have passed up in the past. Change the lives of those who are hurting and need help. Create in me a new passion; one guided by Your direction and fueled by Your overflowing, never-ending love. Let me be a mirror that so reflects You that the lives of those You place in my life are changed. God, I want to serve You. I want to make a difference, I want to make an impact on the lives of people I meet, but even more than that, I want you to make an impact on the lives of the people I meet. Please, God, let Your will be done, and allow me the privilege to be a part of it. This is my humble request.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
When I was in the third grade, my dad took my brother, my best friend, and me to kids' summer church camp for a week. I don't remember much about my camp experience, but there is one memory that sticks vividly in my mind. The last day of camp, we were all sitting in the fold up chairs the counselors had lined in rows in front if the stage outside while they spoke about what it meant to be saved. Growing up in the typical Christian home, I was saved at a young age and so knew that I did not need to respond to this invitation. My best friend, however, did not grow up in the same kind of home that I had, and though I had shared with her the decision that I had made and I thought she had made the same decision, I realize now that what I understood salvation to be at that young age was very shallow. The counselors took turns sharing the importance Jesus had in their lives, and then they gave an invitation to any and all of us desiring to experience the same change they had. Secure in my decision, I sat in my seat, smiling at all of those standing up and walking toward the front. As I was scanning the crowd to see if I knew any of the faces up front, my friend tugged my arm and whispered to me, "I want to go up there. Will you come with me?" Now that I'm older, I know I should have been so excited and said yes, but at the time, all that was on my mind was myself and what other people would think of me if I was standing up there. Sure, meeting Jesus was good for everyone else, but I had already met Him, and if I were to walk up there with my friend, it would seem like I had been lying the whole time. My friend was adamant, though, and so, after a few moments, we walked up onto the stage together holding hands. I made sure to find a place in the back where no one could see me as they all clapped at us who were standing to make a decision for Jesus. After they prayed, the counselors wanted to break us up into smaller groups to talk with us on a more intimate level about the decision we were making. My selfish shame grew as my friend asked me to go with her to one of the groups. I was already saved! What didn't she get about that!? And not only that, but I sat with her in her room while she prayed the sinner's prayer as well. (I, of course, warned her not to tell her family who probably wouldn't let us be friends anymore if they knew I had converted her from Catholicism.) My friend pouted and cried and begged me to go with her, but I put my foot down and told her I was not going. If she wanted to go, she could, but that meeting was not for me.
My friend did not speak to a counselor about receiving Christ, and one year later I moved away. This many years later, I still cannot forget the ridiculous pride and selfishness that I allowed to get in the way of my friend's decision for eternity. Had I responded differently, would she be living a different life? Would she have made different choices or chosen a different career path? I know God is sovereign, but my foolish, ignorant mistake still haunts me. You would think that after such an experience, I would learn to use every opportunity I have to make a difference in people's lives for the sake of Christ, but I am sitting here at the end of my second year of college telling you that I have not. I have still missed countless opportunities to serve that I will never got back.
I had an assignment for one of my classes this semester to write a bucket list. This assignment seems simple and fun until you actually have to sit down and write it and think of what you want to do with your life. There are so many things I would like to accomplish before I die, but after writing my paper and reading it over, I realized how trivial all of it was. Really, before I die, I don't care whether or not I get to travel to all fifty states or see a rocket ship launch or become a published author. All I want to do is make a difference. I want to be found faithful to the call God has given me and through that call, effect the lives of many people. That is my greatest desire and yearning passion, but my hurt and heart ache is in knowing how.
How do I make a difference in such a big world? What am I supposed to do? I need direction! I need guidance! I need instruction on how to do this, because I have no idea what I'm doing on my own. I stepped into this school year with such fire! God was going to do great things in this year on campus and around the world! I knew it, I believed it, I prayed for it, I taught it, and yet, after a few months, I lost it. I became so caught up in my problems and my issues that I began to ignore the issues of the people around me. I am reminded of the story of the master who went away for some time and left his three servants in charge of his money. Two of the servants invested what they had been given and received profit, but one was so worried about losing what he had that he buried what he had been given. What profit have I accumulated for the Master this year? Have I just buried the riches I have been given in the ground? I wish that I had done better this year, and yet, it was not so much of a "go do this, go do that" kind of thing that I missed. I missed out on being available, being open, and seeking opportunities to serve.
God, Please forgive me for my selfish pride. In Your sovereignty, redeem those whom You have called. Forgive me for the missed opportunities that I have passed up in the past. Change the lives of those who are hurting and need help. Create in me a new passion; one guided by Your direction and fueled by Your overflowing, never-ending love. Let me be a mirror that so reflects You that the lives of those You place in my life are changed. God, I want to serve You. I want to make a difference, I want to make an impact on the lives of people I meet, but even more than that, I want you to make an impact on the lives of the people I meet. Please, God, let Your will be done, and allow me the privilege to be a part of it. This is my humble request.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
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