Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Welcome to the new layout of my blog! I figured it was about time for a new look... and for a new post! Actually, there's a reason I've chosen this swanky new background. First, I thought it was an appropriate look in describing my search and discovery of the character of God. Secondly, I wanted to be able to express my passion for missions to you all. If you aren't familiar with my calling and passion, allow me to take a brief detour:
I have always had an excitement for missions. I remember having missionaries come in and speak to us during AWANAS and listening to them talk about the cultures they got to work with. To me, these people were heroes. I never, ever, in a million years thought that God would call me to the mission field. But that's exactly what He did. The summer before my sophomore year in high school I recognized and surrendered to God's calling.
So, I am studying to be an ESL teacher (English as a Second Language) with the hopes of teaching English overseas and using it as an opportunity to share God's love with people who have never heard it before. As I am studying TESL, I am also preparing for the mission field by making the most of my time and opportunities here and now. I do not want to be so caught up in looking toward the future that I miss out on my mission field at present. I want to build relationships with people and help them in their needs. I cannot sit back and talk about God's calling for my future without acting upon His calling for my present, and I know that as I take the opportunities He has given me now, I am learning and growing toward my calling for the future.
One opportunity God has given me at present is to take a trip to Southeast Asia this summer with an organization through school. I will get the chance to learn and grow with a group of students and leaders from school, all who have a passion to see people come to know God through Christ. While in SE Asia, we will be going to different colleges and universities and teaching conversational English to students there, all the while praying for opportunities to share the gospel with them. Like when preparing for any trip, my mind is crowded with questions and worries, but I am so excited to be able to serve my Lord in this way, and I can't wait to see what He has planned!
So, now that we've completed our detour route, I have decided to use this space to continue to write about what God is teaching me, but to include my growing process in preparing for missions, both toward my trip and past that. Hopefully this dusty site will see more posts and more traffic! I look forward to learning what God is teaching me and to share it with all of you!
PS: I would really appreciate your prayers and support as my team and I do prepare for our trip this summer. If you would like to find out more information about it or donate toward it, you can visit www.luglobal.com. Thanks!
I have always had an excitement for missions. I remember having missionaries come in and speak to us during AWANAS and listening to them talk about the cultures they got to work with. To me, these people were heroes. I never, ever, in a million years thought that God would call me to the mission field. But that's exactly what He did. The summer before my sophomore year in high school I recognized and surrendered to God's calling.
So, I am studying to be an ESL teacher (English as a Second Language) with the hopes of teaching English overseas and using it as an opportunity to share God's love with people who have never heard it before. As I am studying TESL, I am also preparing for the mission field by making the most of my time and opportunities here and now. I do not want to be so caught up in looking toward the future that I miss out on my mission field at present. I want to build relationships with people and help them in their needs. I cannot sit back and talk about God's calling for my future without acting upon His calling for my present, and I know that as I take the opportunities He has given me now, I am learning and growing toward my calling for the future.
One opportunity God has given me at present is to take a trip to Southeast Asia this summer with an organization through school. I will get the chance to learn and grow with a group of students and leaders from school, all who have a passion to see people come to know God through Christ. While in SE Asia, we will be going to different colleges and universities and teaching conversational English to students there, all the while praying for opportunities to share the gospel with them. Like when preparing for any trip, my mind is crowded with questions and worries, but I am so excited to be able to serve my Lord in this way, and I can't wait to see what He has planned!
So, now that we've completed our detour route, I have decided to use this space to continue to write about what God is teaching me, but to include my growing process in preparing for missions, both toward my trip and past that. Hopefully this dusty site will see more posts and more traffic! I look forward to learning what God is teaching me and to share it with all of you!
PS: I would really appreciate your prayers and support as my team and I do prepare for our trip this summer. If you would like to find out more information about it or donate toward it, you can visit www.luglobal.com. Thanks!
Friday, May 28, 2010
How great is God- beyond our understanding! The number of His years is past finding out. He draws up the drops of water, which distill as rain to the streams; the clouds pour down their moisture and abundant showers fall on mankind. Who can understand how He spreads out the clouds, how He thunders from His pavilion? See how He scatters His lightning about Him, bathing the depths of the sea. This is the way He governs the nations and provides food in abundance. He fills His hands with lightening and commands it to strike its mark. His thunder announces the coming storm; Even the cattle make known its approach. At this my heart pounds and leaps from its place. Listen! Listen to the roar of his voice, to the rumbling that comes from his mouth. He unleashes His lightening beneath the whole heaven and sends it to the ends of the earth. After that comes the sound of His roar; He thunders with His majestic voice. When His voice resounds, He holds nothing back. God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; He does great things beyond our understanding. -Job 36:26- 37:5
Tonight I was reminded of how great God is... actually, I was reminded that I could never know how great God is. The event was so... I don't even have a word (there probably is one; my vocabulary is just too small)... humbling? awe-inspiring? touching?... that I had to share it. Of course, I could never fully express what God reminded me tonight through my words, but I just have to share it in the best words I know how to.
My family and I spent the evening at a local minor league baseball game. It was so much fun! I love baseball and I love my family and it was great to be able to bring the two together. Nearing the end of the game, my mom mentioned that there were thunderstorms forecasted for the area as the breeze picked up. Yet, the rain did not start until after the game was won and the humble fireworks display had ended. It wasn't until we were in the car waiting for a spot in the line of exiting traffic that we began to see lightening, and the rain didn't begin falling until after we had driven away from the stadium. As we turned away from the other cars and down the winding, unlit country roads in the direction of our home, the rain became heavier and heavier until it was almost impossible to see much beyond the front of the car. That is, until the lightning struck. Almost every thirty seconds, the sky would light up and with it all of our surroundings would suddenly appear and then quickly disappear again. Though everything around us was pitch black and it seemed like our car was the only existence, there was so much around us that we were only made aware of when the lightening struck. And when it did strike, I was also made aware of how small I am. The sky expanded in the matter of milliseconds from nothing to something very grand and I was reminded of my minuteness under it's largeness. At yet, I was even more reminded of One even more grandiose than the sky which left me speechless.
God,
I am humbled by the fact that You in all of Your grandness- this word so tainted by our world does not even brush the hem of your being- would choose to concern Yourself we me in all of my ignorance and arrogance. Reveal Yourself to me in new ways everyday. I want to be completely soaked in the joy of knowing You. May I never lose the awe of knowing such a great God! You are great, and I love You in all of Your limitless greatness!
Tonight I was reminded of how great God is... actually, I was reminded that I could never know how great God is. The event was so... I don't even have a word (there probably is one; my vocabulary is just too small)... humbling? awe-inspiring? touching?... that I had to share it. Of course, I could never fully express what God reminded me tonight through my words, but I just have to share it in the best words I know how to.
My family and I spent the evening at a local minor league baseball game. It was so much fun! I love baseball and I love my family and it was great to be able to bring the two together. Nearing the end of the game, my mom mentioned that there were thunderstorms forecasted for the area as the breeze picked up. Yet, the rain did not start until after the game was won and the humble fireworks display had ended. It wasn't until we were in the car waiting for a spot in the line of exiting traffic that we began to see lightening, and the rain didn't begin falling until after we had driven away from the stadium. As we turned away from the other cars and down the winding, unlit country roads in the direction of our home, the rain became heavier and heavier until it was almost impossible to see much beyond the front of the car. That is, until the lightning struck. Almost every thirty seconds, the sky would light up and with it all of our surroundings would suddenly appear and then quickly disappear again. Though everything around us was pitch black and it seemed like our car was the only existence, there was so much around us that we were only made aware of when the lightening struck. And when it did strike, I was also made aware of how small I am. The sky expanded in the matter of milliseconds from nothing to something very grand and I was reminded of my minuteness under it's largeness. At yet, I was even more reminded of One even more grandiose than the sky which left me speechless.
God,
I am humbled by the fact that You in all of Your grandness- this word so tainted by our world does not even brush the hem of your being- would choose to concern Yourself we me in all of my ignorance and arrogance. Reveal Yourself to me in new ways everyday. I want to be completely soaked in the joy of knowing You. May I never lose the awe of knowing such a great God! You are great, and I love You in all of Your limitless greatness!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Recently an old friend from elementary school sent me a facebook friend request. It was so neat to see how she was doing and to reminisce on old times and almost forgotten memories. Though growing up as a diva princess, there are a number of decisions, big and small, that I regret, after reconnecting with my friend, I was brought back to one specific moment in my past that I wish I could go back and do over.
When I was in the third grade, my dad took my brother, my best friend, and me to kids' summer church camp for a week. I don't remember much about my camp experience, but there is one memory that sticks vividly in my mind. The last day of camp, we were all sitting in the fold up chairs the counselors had lined in rows in front if the stage outside while they spoke about what it meant to be saved. Growing up in the typical Christian home, I was saved at a young age and so knew that I did not need to respond to this invitation. My best friend, however, did not grow up in the same kind of home that I had, and though I had shared with her the decision that I had made and I thought she had made the same decision, I realize now that what I understood salvation to be at that young age was very shallow. The counselors took turns sharing the importance Jesus had in their lives, and then they gave an invitation to any and all of us desiring to experience the same change they had. Secure in my decision, I sat in my seat, smiling at all of those standing up and walking toward the front. As I was scanning the crowd to see if I knew any of the faces up front, my friend tugged my arm and whispered to me, "I want to go up there. Will you come with me?" Now that I'm older, I know I should have been so excited and said yes, but at the time, all that was on my mind was myself and what other people would think of me if I was standing up there. Sure, meeting Jesus was good for everyone else, but I had already met Him, and if I were to walk up there with my friend, it would seem like I had been lying the whole time. My friend was adamant, though, and so, after a few moments, we walked up onto the stage together holding hands. I made sure to find a place in the back where no one could see me as they all clapped at us who were standing to make a decision for Jesus. After they prayed, the counselors wanted to break us up into smaller groups to talk with us on a more intimate level about the decision we were making. My selfish shame grew as my friend asked me to go with her to one of the groups. I was already saved! What didn't she get about that!? And not only that, but I sat with her in her room while she prayed the sinner's prayer as well. (I, of course, warned her not to tell her family who probably wouldn't let us be friends anymore if they knew I had converted her from Catholicism.) My friend pouted and cried and begged me to go with her, but I put my foot down and told her I was not going. If she wanted to go, she could, but that meeting was not for me.
My friend did not speak to a counselor about receiving Christ, and one year later I moved away. This many years later, I still cannot forget the ridiculous pride and selfishness that I allowed to get in the way of my friend's decision for eternity. Had I responded differently, would she be living a different life? Would she have made different choices or chosen a different career path? I know God is sovereign, but my foolish, ignorant mistake still haunts me. You would think that after such an experience, I would learn to use every opportunity I have to make a difference in people's lives for the sake of Christ, but I am sitting here at the end of my second year of college telling you that I have not. I have still missed countless opportunities to serve that I will never got back.
I had an assignment for one of my classes this semester to write a bucket list. This assignment seems simple and fun until you actually have to sit down and write it and think of what you want to do with your life. There are so many things I would like to accomplish before I die, but after writing my paper and reading it over, I realized how trivial all of it was. Really, before I die, I don't care whether or not I get to travel to all fifty states or see a rocket ship launch or become a published author. All I want to do is make a difference. I want to be found faithful to the call God has given me and through that call, effect the lives of many people. That is my greatest desire and yearning passion, but my hurt and heart ache is in knowing how.
How do I make a difference in such a big world? What am I supposed to do? I need direction! I need guidance! I need instruction on how to do this, because I have no idea what I'm doing on my own. I stepped into this school year with such fire! God was going to do great things in this year on campus and around the world! I knew it, I believed it, I prayed for it, I taught it, and yet, after a few months, I lost it. I became so caught up in my problems and my issues that I began to ignore the issues of the people around me. I am reminded of the story of the master who went away for some time and left his three servants in charge of his money. Two of the servants invested what they had been given and received profit, but one was so worried about losing what he had that he buried what he had been given. What profit have I accumulated for the Master this year? Have I just buried the riches I have been given in the ground? I wish that I had done better this year, and yet, it was not so much of a "go do this, go do that" kind of thing that I missed. I missed out on being available, being open, and seeking opportunities to serve.
God, Please forgive me for my selfish pride. In Your sovereignty, redeem those whom You have called. Forgive me for the missed opportunities that I have passed up in the past. Change the lives of those who are hurting and need help. Create in me a new passion; one guided by Your direction and fueled by Your overflowing, never-ending love. Let me be a mirror that so reflects You that the lives of those You place in my life are changed. God, I want to serve You. I want to make a difference, I want to make an impact on the lives of people I meet, but even more than that, I want you to make an impact on the lives of the people I meet. Please, God, let Your will be done, and allow me the privilege to be a part of it. This is my humble request.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
When I was in the third grade, my dad took my brother, my best friend, and me to kids' summer church camp for a week. I don't remember much about my camp experience, but there is one memory that sticks vividly in my mind. The last day of camp, we were all sitting in the fold up chairs the counselors had lined in rows in front if the stage outside while they spoke about what it meant to be saved. Growing up in the typical Christian home, I was saved at a young age and so knew that I did not need to respond to this invitation. My best friend, however, did not grow up in the same kind of home that I had, and though I had shared with her the decision that I had made and I thought she had made the same decision, I realize now that what I understood salvation to be at that young age was very shallow. The counselors took turns sharing the importance Jesus had in their lives, and then they gave an invitation to any and all of us desiring to experience the same change they had. Secure in my decision, I sat in my seat, smiling at all of those standing up and walking toward the front. As I was scanning the crowd to see if I knew any of the faces up front, my friend tugged my arm and whispered to me, "I want to go up there. Will you come with me?" Now that I'm older, I know I should have been so excited and said yes, but at the time, all that was on my mind was myself and what other people would think of me if I was standing up there. Sure, meeting Jesus was good for everyone else, but I had already met Him, and if I were to walk up there with my friend, it would seem like I had been lying the whole time. My friend was adamant, though, and so, after a few moments, we walked up onto the stage together holding hands. I made sure to find a place in the back where no one could see me as they all clapped at us who were standing to make a decision for Jesus. After they prayed, the counselors wanted to break us up into smaller groups to talk with us on a more intimate level about the decision we were making. My selfish shame grew as my friend asked me to go with her to one of the groups. I was already saved! What didn't she get about that!? And not only that, but I sat with her in her room while she prayed the sinner's prayer as well. (I, of course, warned her not to tell her family who probably wouldn't let us be friends anymore if they knew I had converted her from Catholicism.) My friend pouted and cried and begged me to go with her, but I put my foot down and told her I was not going. If she wanted to go, she could, but that meeting was not for me.
My friend did not speak to a counselor about receiving Christ, and one year later I moved away. This many years later, I still cannot forget the ridiculous pride and selfishness that I allowed to get in the way of my friend's decision for eternity. Had I responded differently, would she be living a different life? Would she have made different choices or chosen a different career path? I know God is sovereign, but my foolish, ignorant mistake still haunts me. You would think that after such an experience, I would learn to use every opportunity I have to make a difference in people's lives for the sake of Christ, but I am sitting here at the end of my second year of college telling you that I have not. I have still missed countless opportunities to serve that I will never got back.
I had an assignment for one of my classes this semester to write a bucket list. This assignment seems simple and fun until you actually have to sit down and write it and think of what you want to do with your life. There are so many things I would like to accomplish before I die, but after writing my paper and reading it over, I realized how trivial all of it was. Really, before I die, I don't care whether or not I get to travel to all fifty states or see a rocket ship launch or become a published author. All I want to do is make a difference. I want to be found faithful to the call God has given me and through that call, effect the lives of many people. That is my greatest desire and yearning passion, but my hurt and heart ache is in knowing how.
How do I make a difference in such a big world? What am I supposed to do? I need direction! I need guidance! I need instruction on how to do this, because I have no idea what I'm doing on my own. I stepped into this school year with such fire! God was going to do great things in this year on campus and around the world! I knew it, I believed it, I prayed for it, I taught it, and yet, after a few months, I lost it. I became so caught up in my problems and my issues that I began to ignore the issues of the people around me. I am reminded of the story of the master who went away for some time and left his three servants in charge of his money. Two of the servants invested what they had been given and received profit, but one was so worried about losing what he had that he buried what he had been given. What profit have I accumulated for the Master this year? Have I just buried the riches I have been given in the ground? I wish that I had done better this year, and yet, it was not so much of a "go do this, go do that" kind of thing that I missed. I missed out on being available, being open, and seeking opportunities to serve.
God, Please forgive me for my selfish pride. In Your sovereignty, redeem those whom You have called. Forgive me for the missed opportunities that I have passed up in the past. Change the lives of those who are hurting and need help. Create in me a new passion; one guided by Your direction and fueled by Your overflowing, never-ending love. Let me be a mirror that so reflects You that the lives of those You place in my life are changed. God, I want to serve You. I want to make a difference, I want to make an impact on the lives of people I meet, but even more than that, I want you to make an impact on the lives of the people I meet. Please, God, let Your will be done, and allow me the privilege to be a part of it. This is my humble request.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
A couple of weeks ago, I went to Wednesday night church for the first time in a long time. It's been a busy semester, and I have enjoyed using my Wednesday nights to catch up on school work. Yet, this night I decided that I needed some spiritual refreshment and so made my way to church with my friends. However, what I found was far from refreshment. Instead, I gained restlessness and conviction and dissatisfaction, not with God, but with myself.
Walking in to church that evening, I had heard that we were holding a worship service. There would be no sermon, just music. I would like to note here that I am not all about emotions, especially when it come to spiritual matters. Don't get me wrong, I love feeling good and excited and happy about my relationship with God, and perhaps that was what I was looking for in going to church, but I have a very strong opposition to people who make irrational decisions based on what they feel at the time only to change their mind later. So, showing up to church that evening, I was a little bit cautious in what I would find in other people (is this judging and is it wrong?) as well as in myself. Yet still I think that I myself desire some emotional experience when I go to church. Why was I going in the first place? What was the "refreshment" that I wanted so badly? And as I stood there when the lights turned dim and the band began to play, it was like I was waiting for myself to begin feeling filled with joy and excitement. How foolish I feel now looking back on that moment. We were about ten minutes into the service when the band began playing a familiar tune and singing familiar words that I had sung so many times before, "Everyone needs compassion, a love that's never failing. Let mercy fall on me. Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior, the Hope of nations," and I began thinking, "What exactly to these words mean?" As I opened my eyes, I began reading the words from the screen, looking for their meaning. "Savior, He can move the moutnains. My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save. Forever, author of salvation, You rose and conquered the grave. Jesus conquered the grave." As I looked around the sanctuary, there were so many people there dancing and singing and jumping and raising their hands, and all I could do was stand there. What were we doing!? How could we sing words with such ease and not consider what they mean for us? Everyone needs compassion. Everyone needs forgiveness.
So here are my thoughts, my heartache, on the matter that I realized that night: we have received such grace, such blessing, such forgiveness and salvation! And we sing about all of it with such passion and devotion! Yet then we leave and go about our business. We complain about our work load, we argue with people we don't agree with and gossip about people we don't understand. We walk into church looking for self-fulfillment, and we don't stop to think about what fulfillment we've already received. Yet, this is not all. We sing that everyone needs compassoin, but what are we doing to go beyond the compassion that we know and share it with everyone else who still needs it? I think this is where my frustration lies. I go to such a great school with so many resources handed to me, yet what am I doing except looking for my own selfish gain? Why am I not doing everything I can to invest in the lives of other people? Yet my pain is in knowing how. What am I supposed to do? How do I help? There is so much to do, and I don't know where to start or even how to start! What am I doing with my life? Does any of it mean anything? What purpose am I living for? Who am I living for? It is myself, or am I living for someone greater? I know that probably none of this makes sense. I am so sorry. It has been difficult for me to express exactly what I am still trying to process myself. That's why it's been several weeks since I have written anything out, but I still don't think that I've been able to capture everything that I have been thinking and feeling, and for that I apologize.
God, please show me what I am supposed to do. Why have you called me here? What purpose am I to serve? Show me, and I will follow. I am tired of living for myself. I want to live for You and fulfill Your purpose. Teach me how, Lord, because there is no way I can do anything of my own efforts.
Walking in to church that evening, I had heard that we were holding a worship service. There would be no sermon, just music. I would like to note here that I am not all about emotions, especially when it come to spiritual matters. Don't get me wrong, I love feeling good and excited and happy about my relationship with God, and perhaps that was what I was looking for in going to church, but I have a very strong opposition to people who make irrational decisions based on what they feel at the time only to change their mind later. So, showing up to church that evening, I was a little bit cautious in what I would find in other people (is this judging and is it wrong?) as well as in myself. Yet still I think that I myself desire some emotional experience when I go to church. Why was I going in the first place? What was the "refreshment" that I wanted so badly? And as I stood there when the lights turned dim and the band began to play, it was like I was waiting for myself to begin feeling filled with joy and excitement. How foolish I feel now looking back on that moment. We were about ten minutes into the service when the band began playing a familiar tune and singing familiar words that I had sung so many times before, "Everyone needs compassion, a love that's never failing. Let mercy fall on me. Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior, the Hope of nations," and I began thinking, "What exactly to these words mean?" As I opened my eyes, I began reading the words from the screen, looking for their meaning. "Savior, He can move the moutnains. My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save. Forever, author of salvation, You rose and conquered the grave. Jesus conquered the grave." As I looked around the sanctuary, there were so many people there dancing and singing and jumping and raising their hands, and all I could do was stand there. What were we doing!? How could we sing words with such ease and not consider what they mean for us? Everyone needs compassion. Everyone needs forgiveness.
So here are my thoughts, my heartache, on the matter that I realized that night: we have received such grace, such blessing, such forgiveness and salvation! And we sing about all of it with such passion and devotion! Yet then we leave and go about our business. We complain about our work load, we argue with people we don't agree with and gossip about people we don't understand. We walk into church looking for self-fulfillment, and we don't stop to think about what fulfillment we've already received. Yet, this is not all. We sing that everyone needs compassoin, but what are we doing to go beyond the compassion that we know and share it with everyone else who still needs it? I think this is where my frustration lies. I go to such a great school with so many resources handed to me, yet what am I doing except looking for my own selfish gain? Why am I not doing everything I can to invest in the lives of other people? Yet my pain is in knowing how. What am I supposed to do? How do I help? There is so much to do, and I don't know where to start or even how to start! What am I doing with my life? Does any of it mean anything? What purpose am I living for? Who am I living for? It is myself, or am I living for someone greater? I know that probably none of this makes sense. I am so sorry. It has been difficult for me to express exactly what I am still trying to process myself. That's why it's been several weeks since I have written anything out, but I still don't think that I've been able to capture everything that I have been thinking and feeling, and for that I apologize.
God, please show me what I am supposed to do. Why have you called me here? What purpose am I to serve? Show me, and I will follow. I am tired of living for myself. I want to live for You and fulfill Your purpose. Teach me how, Lord, because there is no way I can do anything of my own efforts.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Remember when you first took the training wheels off your bike? Remember how difficult it was to learn to ride it? I know I was terrified. It was so new and there was so much to do and think about. You have to balance, you have to pedal, you have to steer, and you have to look where you are going... all at the same time! It was too much, and I just could not do it! Maybe sometimes you started going, but you were wobbling back and forth trying to gain control, and eventually you just wiped out. That's how I feel right now.
I've been back at school for four weeks, but it feels like it's been four months. There's been so many things that I am having to be held responsible for and I am trying to learn how to balance it, but I feel like I'm failing. I am a student. I am an employee. I am a leader. I am a roommate. I am a friend. I am a family member. I am a Christian. And I am losing my mind! How can I do all of this? Even when I am going, I feel like I'm wobbling around and am eventually going to crash.
I was trying to think of an analogy for the way I have been feeling most recently (Sometimes the only way I can express myself is through a reference to something completely different.), and I was putting together this picture of losing control while trying to learn to ride a bike, but there's one thing about my picture that I forgot: I never had control of the bike in the first place. My daddy did.
When I first learned to ride a two-wheel bicycle, I did not do it by myself. My daddy taught me. He told me what I needed to do and he helped me do it. My daddy held the back of my seat with one hand so that I would not fall, and with the other hand he held my handle bar to push me in the right direction. My heavenly Daddy is doing the same thing for me right now. I am not learning these new things on my own. God is teaching me to handle these new responsibilities. My Daddy is holding me to make sure I do not fall and guiding me in the direction I need to go. Though it's hard learning these new things and trying to keep track of everything at the same time and keeping up with all of my responsibilities, I know that my Daddy is with me and He is not going to let me fail.
God, May I never become so comfortable that I believe that I can ride my bike by myself, but may I always depend on You to guide me and push me. I cannot do this alone, and I don't want to. I want You to go with me. Go before me and behind me.
I've been back at school for four weeks, but it feels like it's been four months. There's been so many things that I am having to be held responsible for and I am trying to learn how to balance it, but I feel like I'm failing. I am a student. I am an employee. I am a leader. I am a roommate. I am a friend. I am a family member. I am a Christian. And I am losing my mind! How can I do all of this? Even when I am going, I feel like I'm wobbling around and am eventually going to crash.
I was trying to think of an analogy for the way I have been feeling most recently (Sometimes the only way I can express myself is through a reference to something completely different.), and I was putting together this picture of losing control while trying to learn to ride a bike, but there's one thing about my picture that I forgot: I never had control of the bike in the first place. My daddy did.
When I first learned to ride a two-wheel bicycle, I did not do it by myself. My daddy taught me. He told me what I needed to do and he helped me do it. My daddy held the back of my seat with one hand so that I would not fall, and with the other hand he held my handle bar to push me in the right direction. My heavenly Daddy is doing the same thing for me right now. I am not learning these new things on my own. God is teaching me to handle these new responsibilities. My Daddy is holding me to make sure I do not fall and guiding me in the direction I need to go. Though it's hard learning these new things and trying to keep track of everything at the same time and keeping up with all of my responsibilities, I know that my Daddy is with me and He is not going to let me fail.
God, May I never become so comfortable that I believe that I can ride my bike by myself, but may I always depend on You to guide me and push me. I cannot do this alone, and I don't want to. I want You to go with me. Go before me and behind me.
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