Clay in the Hand of the Potter

Jeremiah 18:1-6 says this:
            This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me: "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.

As this passage continues, God promised Jeremiah that if a people which He proclaimed evil for turned away, He would build them up. But, if a people whom He proclaimed good for turned to evil, He would bring them down. God let Jeremiah know that he was planning disaster and devastation for Judah. But, God also sent Jeremiah with a plea, saying "Return now every one from his evil way, and make your ways and your doings good" (18:11, NKJV).

My brother brought this passage to my attention this summer while we were talking about the gospel and what it really means for us to come to God. I've learned a lot about the gospel this summer, what it is, and what it isn't. Working with university students at the beginning of the summer, it was difficult to explain in simple English what my heart yearned for them to understand without taking away from the message. With the camp kids the rest of the summer, there was a similar issue of finding a balance between speaking at the level of a ten year old (which, honestly, is higher than I thought it would be), and explaining the message of the gospel. Most kids have an understanding of "believe in Jesus, pray a special prayer, and you can go to heaven and not 'the bad place' when you die." The majority of them, however, have no clue what it actually means to come before a holy God recognizing your own wickedness and choose to surrender that self to Him and live in submissive grace.

I have absolutely no experience with a pottery wheel, but I've seen people use one, and I think it's fascinating how they know that by placing pressure in a certain portion of the clay, they can form a unique piece of pottery. Sometimes, when the pot doesn't turn out the way that the potter wants it or turns lopsided, he smooshes it back down into a lump again and starts over. This is what Jeremiah witnessed when he went to potter's house. This visual image represents not only God's message to the nation of Judah at the time that it was first spoken to Jeremiah, but it also applies to our approach to God as well. We are bad, lopsided pots who need to be reformed and reshaped. In order for this to happen, though, we have to be smashed down to just a simple lump of clay. Joel 2 begins talking about the day of the Lord. It warns the people of a day of great wrath and judgement, when God's army will come and destroy the wicked. Then, in verses 12 and 13 it says:

            "Now therefore," says the Lord, "turn to Me with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning." So rend your heart, and not your garments; return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness; and He relents from doing harm."

Just like the pot on the wheel must be humbled, so our hearts must be broken in repentance at God's feet before He can restore us into a better vessel. God doesn't want an outward appearance of repentance, like torn clothes or an empty prayer. He wants our hearts to be rent and our lives to be surrendered so that He can not only smoosh us down to nothing, but build us up into something beautiful that we could never be on our own. What an amazing thought that I have just began to process.

Just a note on the end of my summer:
I LOVED my job this summer. To be honest, I was not excited about working at the camp that I did. I had wanted to stay at home and find a normal job to earn some money, but I am so glad that God brought me to the place He did. I loved getting to know the students that I worked with as well as the other counselors. In fact, I balled like a baby driving home from my last weekend at camp, thinking that some of these kids I may never see again. Going into this school year is not at all what I expected it to be when I left in the spring. But I have already seen God do some great things, and I am excited to see how He continues to lay this year out before me. I am so undeserving yet so blessed to be where I am at, and I just hope that I can stay faithful to what He has called me to. I must resolve to continue to seek His face and search His heart so that by that I can know what my own heart must be. Then I know He will be faithful to take care of the rest!

How He Loves!

I love this song. I don't know many people who don't. This song has actually been quite popular this summer at camp. You know, it's been a difficult couple of weeks. Good and rewarding, but also challenging. It's certainly been a test in leadership, and I've definitely learned the importance of taking initiative, but I've also realized the fact that I can't do everything by myself. I go to bed every night exhausted, and come home every weekend worn out and sore and not wanting to move from the couch. That's the difficult part of the past two weeks, but the good and rewarding part is getting to know some amazing people! I get to work with some awesome counselors, one of them being my best friend:

I've also made some great friends with some awesome kids:

I've seen God do some great things, both in the lives of the students I've gotten to know and in my own life. I love what I'm getting to do this summer, and I love the people I get to do it with. But, sometimes I just want to stop working, and spend some time by myself in a quiet, air conditioned room, maybe take a long nap, and not have to worry about bugs or kids or schedules. There are times that I don't want to clean up the bathroom or watch the kids at the lake for two hours or sit with a child at 3 in the morning because she's homesick. There are plenty of times I don't want to do plenty of things. Yet, I have to keep reminding myself that this work is not about me. I may not want to do these things, but I do them because I LOVE the people I get to do them for.

One night this past week, we were singing the song "How He Loves," and I was spending some sweet time with Jesus and reflecting on the extent His love for me goes. It goes much farther than I can comprehend, which is crazy, because, well, I'm... me! What would make the Creator of the entire universe, the God with no beginning and no end send His Son, part of His being, to die a dirty and disgraceful death for me!? Crazy, insane love that I cannot fathom. Oh, how He loves us! He loves us to the point of death! I wonder what it was like for Jesus at the Garden of Gethsemane that night He knew He was going to be arrested. I mean, we get glimpses of His sorrow in the gospels, but I wonder what it was like beyond the description that words can give. I am sure that it was beyond what any man could bear. And yet, even in His agony, Christ's prayer to His Father was, "nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done" (Luke 22:42). Jesus knew the purpose for which He came to this world. It wasn't for Himself. It was to be a blessing to "all the peoples on earth" (Gen. 12:3). He came and He lived and He died out of love for us. Oh, how He loves us! So, as we were singing this song, I was telling God how tired I am and how much I just need some encouragement and strength from Him, and reflecting on His incomprehensible love, and He reminded me once again, this work is not about me. Jesus came to earth to carry the weight of the world's sins to death. He knew this and He did it because He loves us that much. I am not Christ, but I have been called to serve a people for a time. I know this is my purpose for the summer. I may feel tired and I may not desire to fulfill everything that is required of me, but I will do so out of love for the people I am serving and for my God who loves me first.

This past week, I was looking for a few verses to encourage the team that I am working with this summer, and I loved the words of Paul to the church in Corinth when he says, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense, whether to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved" (1Corinthians 10:31-33). I also appreciated what commentary my footnotes had to say about this passage: "Doing all to the glory of God involves encouraging fellow Christians and spreading the good news about Christ. Paul accomplished this by refusing to offend Jews, Greeks, or the church of God, even if it meant restricting his freedom. Like Christ, Paul did not seek his own way or do things for his own pleasure; instead, he desired to help others. This should be our desire as well" (NKJV Nelson Study Bible). It was just one more reminder that I am not here for me. I am here because God has called me to serve here, and I am to fulfill my calling out of love for Him and love for His people, even when it means restricting my freedom. Please pray that God continues to reveal His love to the students that come through camp this summer as well as to those of us who are working here for the next three weeks.

Can I Bite Your Nose?

It has been three weeks since I've gotten back from my trip in Southeast Asia, and I miss everyone terribly. I've been reading through 1 Kings, and since being back, I have loved reading about the testimony of Elijah and the faith that he showed. It has been really exciting to read how God worked through him, and it's also been challenging to my own relationship with God. In fact, I was reviewing my prayer journal since I've been back, and I said to God, "I desire to trust You more." Well, these past three weeks have certainly been a trial in trust.

This summer I am working at a camp. In fact, I'm working at the same rustic, middle-of-nowhere camp that I worked at two summers ago. Since the camp is fairly close to home, I've decided to come home every weekend. The first week of work was "orientation." As a team of counselors, we spent the week cleaning the camp and brainstorming ideas for the summer. When I got back home Friday, I did not expect to have the weekend that I did. I got some bad news Friday evening that I was not expecting at all. I was so shocked and confused, not just about the news I received, but also about the way that I received it, that I just broke down. In fact, I was broken down all weekend, and I honestly didn't want to go back to camp this past week. I knew that I was going to be counted on to interact with a lot of kids, and I just wanted to be alone. I am so glad I was where I was this week, though.

This week, the kids began asking each other if they could bite each others' noses. It looks as ridiculous as it sounds, but apparently, it's "the ultimate question of trust." I thought about this as I reflected on the frustration of this still unresolved situation from the weekend before. In the frustration of my current circumstances to God, and the message I keep hearing back is, "Trust me. I know what I am doing. I have always known." It's a wonderful message, but it is so difficult to accept when you're upset. The campers were just playing a silly game that they made up, and there are a lot of other things more difficult to trust others with than their teeth around your schnoz, but the idea of trust remains. As silly as it sounds, you do not know if the person who is about to bite your nose is going to hurt you or not... but they know what they're doing. I have no idea what is coming in the future or how this situation is going to end up, but I do know that God knows what He's doing better than I know what's coming. I am learning to trust Him, just as I told Him I desire to do. It is by no means easy or even pleasant right now, but I also have hope in the future because I know He cares for me, even when I am frustrated and angry and don't want to trust Him.

God,

Thank You for listening to me, even when it is not what I expect to hear in return. I do not like the uncertainty of the situation I am in right now, but I am learning that You have known since before the beginning of time where I would be right now and where I will be in the future. Thank You for caring about the little worries that I have, and for desiring the best for me, even in those moments. I am sorry for not trusting You, but I truly do desire to trust You more. Please continue to walk me through the lessons You are teaching me. Thank You for Your patience. I love You.

Sow What?

I am back from Southeast Asia! Well, I've been back home for over a week now, but after a few days of combating the urge to go to sleep at 3:00 pm and wake up at 4:30am, my body is back to its normal routine. My mind, though, is still flooding with memories of the culture and conversations that my team and I experienced for just two short weeks. Being back home makes it all seem surreal almost.

I was so privileged to work with a great team of awesome people...

... try some great new food...

... gain some new experiences...

... and make some new friends.

I had a great time in Southeast Asia. But more valuable than all of the new experiences I now have, is the privilege of seeing God work in an area of the world that is numb to any religious belief. I wish that I could somehow just download everything I remember from my trip onto my computer one so that I could keep track of it all and two so that I could share them with everyone, because there is just so much that I could share. My team and I spent a lot of time in English classrooms in the local universities spending time with students and learning about their culture while we shared about ours. We learned a lot about local foods and festivals and we shared a lot about our hobbies and our interests as American college students. We were asked if we watch Desperate Housewives and Gossip Girl or listened to Lady Gaga as well as if we were familiar with any of their music or movies. Though there were certainly cultural differences to be found, I think one of the neatest things to realize and to share with the students is how alike we are. We like music and movies. We like to have fun with our friends and to be silly. We also understand what it means to be confused about our future and to have the "pressures" and "stresses" (as students there called it) of life. Unfortunately, unlike many of the students we met and talked with, we know Someone that we are able to turn to in those times of stress and pressure.

Before going on this trip, I think I would have said (or I probably did say) that I did not know what to expect. And part of that is true. But there were certainly things that I did expect from this experience. I have shared before the embarrassing fact that speaking about my faith does not come easily to me. One thing I expected was to be challenged in how I express what Christ has done in my life with others. I think, though, generally, I expected to learn a whole lot and to do a whole lot, which in a way, I guess I did. But really, I saw God do a lot more than I did. During our trip, I had a chance to read through scripture and pray with my lovely roommate in the mornings.

It was certainly some sweet, encouraging time that I cherished with her and with our great God and gracious Savior. One passage that we read I think sums up perfectly the message of the trip that I found most humbling and most encouraging: 1 Corinthians 3:5-7 says, "So what is Apollos? And what is Paul? They are servants through whom you believed, and each has the role the Lord has given. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth." I may have left America thinking about all the work that I was going to do, but I came back realizing how much God had done, even in the short time that my team was there, and how blessed I was to be a part of it. The opportunities we had to share why we behave the way we do, why we don't go to parties on the weekend, or what we think about controversial issues, how many people in America believe in God or even how we deal with sad times were more numerous than we expected. Some of us were given very direct questions about scripture and Christian beliefs. Some of us had the opportunity to share the gospel more than once, and some of us were able to see God grow out of that. Whether we saw fruit from our labor or not, we know that it is not us who brings growth, but God. We were called to be faithful in service to Him. This is a humbling fact but also encouraging to know that I am not in control and that I don't have to try to be. I don't have to force Jesus into a conversation and I don't have to pry for a spiritual response. I am called to be faithful and genuine and honest about who I am in Him. I can't help but express that. And as I do, perhaps He will choose to work in someone's heart. I had a great experience overseas, and I thoroughly enjoyed the time that I had with my fellow teammates as well as with the students and people that we met. It was a tiring experience, and trying at times, but I trust that God is still working in that place, even though our team is gone. I am glad to be back home and to comfortable living, though my heart still aches for the people back in SE Asia. But I am excited to hear how the God who worked so wonderfully in my life that I must share works in the lives of the students that I am now able to call friends. Mm. He certainly is good.

"With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility"

Such is the wisdom of Uncle Ben to his nephew, Peter Parker (aka Spider-Man).My friend and I were talking this past week about some similar experiences we have been through and some things we have learned from those experiences, and she asked me, "Would you have done it again if you had the choice?" Whether she knew it or not, that was a very challenging question. I do not enjoy all of the experiences that I have had, nor will I enjoy all of the things I have yet to experience. Not all of my un-enjoyable experiences are bad, but they certainly are challenging, and I find myself coming out of them knowing more than I did before, whether I wanted to or not. Yet, I am now responsible for what I know. A toddler is not expected to do complex math equations because he is probably still learning how to count. However, as this toddler gets older and is taught algebra and geometry and eventually calculus, he is then responsible for completing those more difficult assignments because he now has the knowledge to do so. In the same way, though sometimes I wish I could have stayed ignorant to many things, I have more knowledge than I previously did and I am now responsible for doing what should be done with that knowledge. This may be knowing how to complete a homework assignment or how to balance a check book. It also may be the knowledge of someone's need or of a spiritual truth. All of these things I am responsible for once I become knowledgeable about them.

Going on this trip to Southeast Asia in just over 15 days is a huge wake up call to what I am responsible for: the gospel of Christ. To be honest, I am not a bold person. I enjoy sitting silently in class and listening to other people talk. I am not an eloquent speaker. My brain has trouble processing information quickly (you think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not), so words don't flow like they should- at least not the right ones. To be even more honest, of all things that I am frightened to talk about, talking about Christ to people who don't know Him is probably the most frightening. I wish it was not the truth, but often when I have the chance to say something, I keep my mouth closed instead. I know the truth of Christ. It has drastically changed my life, and it continues to change my life! It gives me purpose! It gives me hope! It gives me joy and peace! It fulfills me and sustains me! Not only have I experienced salvation, but I know the need of others for salvation, and I am responsible for that knowledge as well. I am so excited to get on that plane in just a few weeks and travel across the world and get to work with such an awesome team of people and get to meet new people and experience a new culture, and I truly am excited about the opportunity to see God work. But I must remind myself of the knowledge (and the power) that I am responsible for, whether at school, at home, or in a foreign country.

God, Forgive me for not taking my responsibility more seriously. Thank you for allowing me to experience Your grace. Please be with my team and me as we travel in just a few weeks. Give us the boldness to share Your truth with the people we build relationships there. Provide us with moments to share how You have changed our lives, and provide us with the exact words to say in those moments. I trust You.