Sunday, November 20, 2011
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but being one of three siblings, my brothers and I very much fit the stereotype for birth order. And, being the oldest, that makes me the good, responsible one. That also makes me very competitive. I need to be good. Along with that also comes a great load of guilt when I find that I am not good, which, when examining myself in light of who God is, is an awful lot. I know that I said in my last post that it's been a difficult semester, and this is true. There have been a lot of changes and challenges, but there is another reason this semester has been difficult. I've been learning a lot about sin lately. Not only have I been more aware of sin in my life, but I've been reading a lot about God's response to sin, and I'm struggling to find the balance between guilt and conviction.
I've been reading through Romans and Hosea, which is so cool. Doing so, I have learned a lot about the gospel. I've also finished reading 2 Kings, which has also fit in well with what I've been learning. So, really for my own benefit, I would like to just simply go through what I've been reading and learning. So, here we go!
Let's start in Hosea, since this one is taking me a lot to grasp, and I know that I still don't have a great hold on it. Lord, please give me understanding for Your Word. I really just want to go through the first two chapters right now. A brief summary of the story of Hosea: This story takes place after Israel and Judah have split into two nations. At this time, Hezekiah is king of Judah (He's an awesome guy, and you should read his story if you're unfamiliar with it) and Jeroboam (the second, I believe) is king of Israel (He's not a good guy at all). God calls Hosea to marry a prostitute, Gomer, in order to mirror His relationship with the nation of Israel. In chapter one, Gomer has three children, which God tells Hosea to name specifically to prophesy His judgement on Israel for their disobedience. The first child is named 'Jezreel', which goes back to when Jehu killed Jezebel and Ahab's sons. The second child, a girl, is called 'Lo-Ruhamah', which means 'No Mercy', or 'Not Loved'. The third child was named 'Lo-Ammi', which means 'Not My People'. God uses the names of Hosea's children to reflect His relation to Israel, saying "I will no longer have mercy on the house of Israel" (v.6) and "you are not My people, and I will not be your God" (v. 9). God had no tolerance for the sin of the nation of Israel. Just like Gomer was unfaithful to her husband, so Israel was unfaithful to her true Lover. In chapter 2, God says of Israel, "she is not My wife, nor am I her Husband!" (v. 2). It is a harsh picture to think that my sin is adulterous in my relationship with God. I am being unfaithful to Him. I think that a lot of times we lean on the fact that we are human and so we are going to mess up. This is true, but we use that truth as an excuse a lot of times for our unfaithfulness instead of being broken over it. Yet, when I truly consider my offense, I am brought low before a holy, perfect God. And yet, He is gracious.
God was removing His mercy from Israel so that she, as a nation, would realize that she could not make it on her own. Verse 7 says, "She will chase her lovers, but not overtake them; yes, she will seek them, but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go and return to my first husband, for then it was better for me than now.'" Later in the chapter, God says, "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. I will give her vineyards from there, and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt." It's interesting to note that the wilderness, alluding to the 40 year wandering of Israel, and the Valley of Achor, or 'Valley of Troubles' were not pleasant places, and yet it is there that God chooses to woo His people. This passage continues with a beautiful picture of God redeeming His bride, but I want to jump to the last verse of the chapter. God finishes His message of redemption by saying, "I will have mercy on her who had not obtained mercy (the word 'Lo-Ruhamah')... I will say to those who were not my people ('Lo-Ammi') 'You are my people!' and they shall say, 'You are my God!'" Amen.
Jumping over to Romans, I want to look at chapter six. Not only have I recently been convicted of my apparent sin, but also of my own disregard (I think that's the word I mean) for God's grace. I just want to quote Romans 6:1-11. It says, "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin so that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with His, knowing that Christ, ahving been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise, you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Wooh. What a promise. What a gospel. Sin is dead. There should be no return to it. I'm reminded of the Proverb that says, "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."
Lastly, I want to look at the story of Josiah. Josiah was king of Judah. While reading through 2 Kings, when a new king is introduced, it usually says one of two things. Either it says, "he did evil in the sight of the Lord," or it says, "he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, but the high places were not removed". Then we come to Josiah in chapter 22. Josiah was a good king and did what was right in the sight of God. During his reign, the book of the law was found. The priest brought it to the king and read it to him. Josiah was broken over hearing what God required that the people had failed to follow. Josiah removed every inch of pagan worship from the land. he tore down the high places, he burned the chariots, and got rid of the horses. It even says that the people observed Passover as it had not been observed since before the time of the judges. Josiah recognized the sin of his nation and had the right reaction. He was broken over it and he did everything in his power to remove any temptation toward it. He was very serious about his relationship with God as well as his nation's relationship with Him.
I know I've been quite long-winded, and there are no picutres or video clips, and I'm so sorry if you've read through all of this and still haven't gotten anything out of it. Like I said, this post is more for my own benefit as I continue to work through what I am learning. I am still struggling with guilt versus conviction. I am extremely humbled by the grace that I continue to receive (humbled doesn't even begin to cover what I am). I am still battling against sin in my own life as I struggle to spur others in growth as well. I am broken and pleading for supernatural strength and perseverence to continue to run toward the One who knows all and sees all and yet accepts me as I am, not wanting to keep me that way. God, Thank You for Your patience.
I've been reading through Romans and Hosea, which is so cool. Doing so, I have learned a lot about the gospel. I've also finished reading 2 Kings, which has also fit in well with what I've been learning. So, really for my own benefit, I would like to just simply go through what I've been reading and learning. So, here we go!
Let's start in Hosea, since this one is taking me a lot to grasp, and I know that I still don't have a great hold on it. Lord, please give me understanding for Your Word. I really just want to go through the first two chapters right now. A brief summary of the story of Hosea: This story takes place after Israel and Judah have split into two nations. At this time, Hezekiah is king of Judah (He's an awesome guy, and you should read his story if you're unfamiliar with it) and Jeroboam (the second, I believe) is king of Israel (He's not a good guy at all). God calls Hosea to marry a prostitute, Gomer, in order to mirror His relationship with the nation of Israel. In chapter one, Gomer has three children, which God tells Hosea to name specifically to prophesy His judgement on Israel for their disobedience. The first child is named 'Jezreel', which goes back to when Jehu killed Jezebel and Ahab's sons. The second child, a girl, is called 'Lo-Ruhamah', which means 'No Mercy', or 'Not Loved'. The third child was named 'Lo-Ammi', which means 'Not My People'. God uses the names of Hosea's children to reflect His relation to Israel, saying "I will no longer have mercy on the house of Israel" (v.6) and "you are not My people, and I will not be your God" (v. 9). God had no tolerance for the sin of the nation of Israel. Just like Gomer was unfaithful to her husband, so Israel was unfaithful to her true Lover. In chapter 2, God says of Israel, "she is not My wife, nor am I her Husband!" (v. 2). It is a harsh picture to think that my sin is adulterous in my relationship with God. I am being unfaithful to Him. I think that a lot of times we lean on the fact that we are human and so we are going to mess up. This is true, but we use that truth as an excuse a lot of times for our unfaithfulness instead of being broken over it. Yet, when I truly consider my offense, I am brought low before a holy, perfect God. And yet, He is gracious.
God was removing His mercy from Israel so that she, as a nation, would realize that she could not make it on her own. Verse 7 says, "She will chase her lovers, but not overtake them; yes, she will seek them, but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go and return to my first husband, for then it was better for me than now.'" Later in the chapter, God says, "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. I will give her vineyards from there, and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt." It's interesting to note that the wilderness, alluding to the 40 year wandering of Israel, and the Valley of Achor, or 'Valley of Troubles' were not pleasant places, and yet it is there that God chooses to woo His people. This passage continues with a beautiful picture of God redeeming His bride, but I want to jump to the last verse of the chapter. God finishes His message of redemption by saying, "I will have mercy on her who had not obtained mercy (the word 'Lo-Ruhamah')... I will say to those who were not my people ('Lo-Ammi') 'You are my people!' and they shall say, 'You are my God!'" Amen.
Jumping over to Romans, I want to look at chapter six. Not only have I recently been convicted of my apparent sin, but also of my own disregard (I think that's the word I mean) for God's grace. I just want to quote Romans 6:1-11. It says, "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin so that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with His, knowing that Christ, ahving been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise, you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Wooh. What a promise. What a gospel. Sin is dead. There should be no return to it. I'm reminded of the Proverb that says, "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."
Lastly, I want to look at the story of Josiah. Josiah was king of Judah. While reading through 2 Kings, when a new king is introduced, it usually says one of two things. Either it says, "he did evil in the sight of the Lord," or it says, "he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, but the high places were not removed". Then we come to Josiah in chapter 22. Josiah was a good king and did what was right in the sight of God. During his reign, the book of the law was found. The priest brought it to the king and read it to him. Josiah was broken over hearing what God required that the people had failed to follow. Josiah removed every inch of pagan worship from the land. he tore down the high places, he burned the chariots, and got rid of the horses. It even says that the people observed Passover as it had not been observed since before the time of the judges. Josiah recognized the sin of his nation and had the right reaction. He was broken over it and he did everything in his power to remove any temptation toward it. He was very serious about his relationship with God as well as his nation's relationship with Him.
I know I've been quite long-winded, and there are no picutres or video clips, and I'm so sorry if you've read through all of this and still haven't gotten anything out of it. Like I said, this post is more for my own benefit as I continue to work through what I am learning. I am still struggling with guilt versus conviction. I am extremely humbled by the grace that I continue to receive (humbled doesn't even begin to cover what I am). I am still battling against sin in my own life as I struggle to spur others in growth as well. I am broken and pleading for supernatural strength and perseverence to continue to run toward the One who knows all and sees all and yet accepts me as I am, not wanting to keep me that way. God, Thank You for Your patience.
Friday, October 28, 2011
When my brothers and I were little, we used to spin each other around in the large office chair we have sitting in front of our computer desk. (To be honest, sometimes I still spin around in it.) Sometimes we would play a game and close our eyes as we got spun around in the chair. When we felt the chair stop, we had to guess which direction we were facing in the room. Other times, it was fun just to keep our eyes open and see all of the objects of the room become distorted and blurry as we spun faster and faster. Even after we stopped, it took a few seconds for our eyes to re-orient themselves to the way the room looked before we started going in circles.
This is how I feel right now. This fall semester has brought on a lot of new challenges- some expected, some unexpected. Dealing with all of these new challenges has been a dizzying experience, and though I know that it is just a season and I will adjust and I will learn, right now, I'm just dizzy. Every once in awhile I see a blurry form of what I think things are supposed to look like, but as soon as I see it, it's gone and I'm still spinning. But I can't stop this chair. When I was little and I began feeling a little nauseous, I could tell my brothers, "OK, stop!" and I could put my feet down or stick my arm out and slow myself down to a halt. But there is no "slow-down" button on life. (That's fortune cookie gold right there!) Thus, here lies my struggle. I am dizzy and confused and have no idea what in the world I'm doing or even what things are supposed to look like. I just want to be able to see straight. I wish that I could say that "this is what I've been through, and this is what God has taught me," because that's usually what I write about. But I'm not in that stage right now. I'm still in the midst of the "going through" stage. I'm waiting for what He has to say to me through His word, because I know that He is faithful, even when all I see of Him is a glimpse of a fuzzy, disfigured form as I dizzily spin around.
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| I don't know this child, I just thought you needed a visual representation of my childhood experience. |
Monday, August 22, 2011
Jeremiah 18:1-6 says this:
This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me: "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.
As this passage continues, God promised Jeremiah that if a people which He proclaimed evil for turned away, He would build them up. But, if a people whom He proclaimed good for turned to evil, He would bring them down. God let Jeremiah know that he was planning disaster and devastation for Judah. But, God also sent Jeremiah with a plea, saying "Return now every one from his evil way, and make your ways and your doings good" (18:11, NKJV).
My brother brought this passage to my attention this summer while we were talking about the gospel and what it really means for us to come to God. I've learned a lot about the gospel this summer, what it is, and what it isn't. Working with university students at the beginning of the summer, it was difficult to explain in simple English what my heart yearned for them to understand without taking away from the message. With the camp kids the rest of the summer, there was a similar issue of finding a balance between speaking at the level of a ten year old (which, honestly, is higher than I thought it would be), and explaining the message of the gospel. Most kids have an understanding of "believe in Jesus, pray a special prayer, and you can go to heaven and not 'the bad place' when you die." The majority of them, however, have no clue what it actually means to come before a holy God recognizing your own wickedness and choose to surrender that self to Him and live in submissive grace.
I have absolutely no experience with a pottery wheel, but I've seen people use one, and I think it's fascinating how they know that by placing pressure in a certain portion of the clay, they can form a unique piece of pottery. Sometimes, when the pot doesn't turn out the way that the potter wants it or turns lopsided, he smooshes it back down into a lump again and starts over. This is what Jeremiah witnessed when he went to potter's house. This visual image represents not only God's message to the nation of Judah at the time that it was first spoken to Jeremiah, but it also applies to our approach to God as well. We are bad, lopsided pots who need to be reformed and reshaped. In order for this to happen, though, we have to be smashed down to just a simple lump of clay. Joel 2 begins talking about the day of the Lord. It warns the people of a day of great wrath and judgement, when God's army will come and destroy the wicked. Then, in verses 12 and 13 it says:
"Now therefore," says the Lord, "turn to Me with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning." So rend your heart, and not your garments; return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness; and He relents from doing harm."
Just like the pot on the wheel must be humbled, so our hearts must be broken in repentance at God's feet before He can restore us into a better vessel. God doesn't want an outward appearance of repentance, like torn clothes or an empty prayer. He wants our hearts to be rent and our lives to be surrendered so that He can not only smoosh us down to nothing, but build us up into something beautiful that we could never be on our own. What an amazing thought that I have just began to process.
Just a note on the end of my summer:
I LOVED my job this summer. To be honest, I was not excited about working at the camp that I did. I had wanted to stay at home and find a normal job to earn some money, but I am so glad that God brought me to the place He did. I loved getting to know the students that I worked with as well as the other counselors. In fact, I balled like a baby driving home from my last weekend at camp, thinking that some of these kids I may never see again. Going into this school year is not at all what I expected it to be when I left in the spring. But I have already seen God do some great things, and I am excited to see how He continues to lay this year out before me. I am so undeserving yet so blessed to be where I am at, and I just hope that I can stay faithful to what He has called me to. I must resolve to continue to seek His face and search His heart so that by that I can know what my own heart must be. Then I know He will be faithful to take care of the rest!
This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me: "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.
As this passage continues, God promised Jeremiah that if a people which He proclaimed evil for turned away, He would build them up. But, if a people whom He proclaimed good for turned to evil, He would bring them down. God let Jeremiah know that he was planning disaster and devastation for Judah. But, God also sent Jeremiah with a plea, saying "Return now every one from his evil way, and make your ways and your doings good" (18:11, NKJV).
My brother brought this passage to my attention this summer while we were talking about the gospel and what it really means for us to come to God. I've learned a lot about the gospel this summer, what it is, and what it isn't. Working with university students at the beginning of the summer, it was difficult to explain in simple English what my heart yearned for them to understand without taking away from the message. With the camp kids the rest of the summer, there was a similar issue of finding a balance between speaking at the level of a ten year old (which, honestly, is higher than I thought it would be), and explaining the message of the gospel. Most kids have an understanding of "believe in Jesus, pray a special prayer, and you can go to heaven and not 'the bad place' when you die." The majority of them, however, have no clue what it actually means to come before a holy God recognizing your own wickedness and choose to surrender that self to Him and live in submissive grace.
"Now therefore," says the Lord, "turn to Me with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning." So rend your heart, and not your garments; return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness; and He relents from doing harm."
Just like the pot on the wheel must be humbled, so our hearts must be broken in repentance at God's feet before He can restore us into a better vessel. God doesn't want an outward appearance of repentance, like torn clothes or an empty prayer. He wants our hearts to be rent and our lives to be surrendered so that He can not only smoosh us down to nothing, but build us up into something beautiful that we could never be on our own. What an amazing thought that I have just began to process.
Just a note on the end of my summer:
I LOVED my job this summer. To be honest, I was not excited about working at the camp that I did. I had wanted to stay at home and find a normal job to earn some money, but I am so glad that God brought me to the place He did. I loved getting to know the students that I worked with as well as the other counselors. In fact, I balled like a baby driving home from my last weekend at camp, thinking that some of these kids I may never see again. Going into this school year is not at all what I expected it to be when I left in the spring. But I have already seen God do some great things, and I am excited to see how He continues to lay this year out before me. I am so undeserving yet so blessed to be where I am at, and I just hope that I can stay faithful to what He has called me to. I must resolve to continue to seek His face and search His heart so that by that I can know what my own heart must be. Then I know He will be faithful to take care of the rest!
Friday, July 8, 2011
I love this song. I don't know many people who don't. This song has actually been quite popular this summer at camp. You know, it's been a difficult couple of weeks. Good and rewarding, but also challenging. It's certainly been a test in leadership, and I've definitely learned the importance of taking initiative, but I've also realized the fact that I can't do everything by myself. I go to bed every night exhausted, and come home every weekend worn out and sore and not wanting to move from the couch. That's the difficult part of the past two weeks, but the good and rewarding part is getting to know some amazing people! I get to work with some awesome counselors, one of them being my best friend:
One night this past week, we were singing the song "How He Loves," and I was spending some sweet time with Jesus and reflecting on the extent His love for me goes. It goes much farther than I can comprehend, which is crazy, because, well, I'm... me! What would make the Creator of the entire universe, the God with no beginning and no end send His Son, part of His being, to die a dirty and disgraceful death for me!? Crazy, insane love that I cannot fathom. Oh, how He loves us! He loves us to the point of death! I wonder what it was like for Jesus at the Garden of Gethsemane that night He knew He was going to be arrested. I mean, we get glimpses of His sorrow in the gospels, but I wonder what it was like beyond the description that words can give. I am sure that it was beyond what any man could bear. And yet, even in His agony, Christ's prayer to His Father was, "nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done" (Luke 22:42). Jesus knew the purpose for which He came to this world. It wasn't for Himself. It was to be a blessing to "all the peoples on earth" (Gen. 12:3). He came and He lived and He died out of love for us. Oh, how He loves us! So, as we were singing this song, I was telling God how tired I am and how much I just need some encouragement and strength from Him, and reflecting on His incomprehensible love, and He reminded me once again, this work is not about me. Jesus came to earth to carry the weight of the world's sins to death. He knew this and He did it because He loves us that much. I am not Christ, but I have been called to serve a people for a time. I know this is my purpose for the summer. I may feel tired and I may not desire to fulfill everything that is required of me, but I will do so out of love for the people I am serving and for my God who loves me first.
This past week, I was looking for a few verses to encourage the team that I am working with this summer, and I loved the words of Paul to the church in Corinth when he says, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense, whether to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved" (1Corinthians 10:31-33). I also appreciated what commentary my footnotes had to say about this passage: "Doing all to the glory of God involves encouraging fellow Christians and spreading the good news about Christ. Paul accomplished this by refusing to offend Jews, Greeks, or the church of God, even if it meant restricting his freedom. Like Christ, Paul did not seek his own way or do things for his own pleasure; instead, he desired to help others. This should be our desire as well" (NKJV Nelson Study Bible). It was just one more reminder that I am not here for me. I am here because God has called me to serve here, and I am to fulfill my calling out of love for Him and love for His people, even when it means restricting my freedom. Please pray that God continues to reveal His love to the students that come through camp this summer as well as to those of us who are working here for the next three weeks.
I've also made some great friends with some awesome kids:
I've seen God do some great things, both in the lives of the students I've gotten to know and in my own life. I love what I'm getting to do this summer, and I love the people I get to do it with. But, sometimes I just want to stop working, and spend some time by myself in a quiet, air conditioned room, maybe take a long nap, and not have to worry about bugs or kids or schedules. There are times that I don't want to clean up the bathroom or watch the kids at the lake for two hours or sit with a child at 3 in the morning because she's homesick. There are plenty of times I don't want to do plenty of things. Yet, I have to keep reminding myself that this work is not about me. I may not want to do these things, but I do them because I LOVE the people I get to do them for.
One night this past week, we were singing the song "How He Loves," and I was spending some sweet time with Jesus and reflecting on the extent His love for me goes. It goes much farther than I can comprehend, which is crazy, because, well, I'm... me! What would make the Creator of the entire universe, the God with no beginning and no end send His Son, part of His being, to die a dirty and disgraceful death for me!? Crazy, insane love that I cannot fathom. Oh, how He loves us! He loves us to the point of death! I wonder what it was like for Jesus at the Garden of Gethsemane that night He knew He was going to be arrested. I mean, we get glimpses of His sorrow in the gospels, but I wonder what it was like beyond the description that words can give. I am sure that it was beyond what any man could bear. And yet, even in His agony, Christ's prayer to His Father was, "nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done" (Luke 22:42). Jesus knew the purpose for which He came to this world. It wasn't for Himself. It was to be a blessing to "all the peoples on earth" (Gen. 12:3). He came and He lived and He died out of love for us. Oh, how He loves us! So, as we were singing this song, I was telling God how tired I am and how much I just need some encouragement and strength from Him, and reflecting on His incomprehensible love, and He reminded me once again, this work is not about me. Jesus came to earth to carry the weight of the world's sins to death. He knew this and He did it because He loves us that much. I am not Christ, but I have been called to serve a people for a time. I know this is my purpose for the summer. I may feel tired and I may not desire to fulfill everything that is required of me, but I will do so out of love for the people I am serving and for my God who loves me first.
This past week, I was looking for a few verses to encourage the team that I am working with this summer, and I loved the words of Paul to the church in Corinth when he says, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense, whether to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved" (1Corinthians 10:31-33). I also appreciated what commentary my footnotes had to say about this passage: "Doing all to the glory of God involves encouraging fellow Christians and spreading the good news about Christ. Paul accomplished this by refusing to offend Jews, Greeks, or the church of God, even if it meant restricting his freedom. Like Christ, Paul did not seek his own way or do things for his own pleasure; instead, he desired to help others. This should be our desire as well" (NKJV Nelson Study Bible). It was just one more reminder that I am not here for me. I am here because God has called me to serve here, and I am to fulfill my calling out of love for Him and love for His people, even when it means restricting my freedom. Please pray that God continues to reveal His love to the students that come through camp this summer as well as to those of us who are working here for the next three weeks.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
It has been three weeks since I've gotten back from my trip in Southeast Asia, and I miss everyone terribly. I've been reading through 1 Kings, and since being back, I have loved reading about the testimony of Elijah and the faith that he showed. It has been really exciting to read how God worked through him, and it's also been challenging to my own relationship with God. In fact, I was reviewing my prayer journal since I've been back, and I said to God, "I desire to trust You more." Well, these past three weeks have certainly been a trial in trust.
This summer I am working at a camp. In fact, I'm working at the same rustic, middle-of-nowhere camp that I worked at two summers ago. Since the camp is fairly close to home, I've decided to come home every weekend. The first week of work was "orientation." As a team of counselors, we spent the week cleaning the camp and brainstorming ideas for the summer. When I got back home Friday, I did not expect to have the weekend that I did. I got some bad news Friday evening that I was not expecting at all. I was so shocked and confused, not just about the news I received, but also about the way that I received it, that I just broke down. In fact, I was broken down all weekend, and I honestly didn't want to go back to camp this past week. I knew that I was going to be counted on to interact with a lot of kids, and I just wanted to be alone. I am so glad I was where I was this week, though.
This week, the kids began asking each other if they could bite each others' noses. It looks as ridiculous as it sounds, but apparently, it's "the ultimate question of trust." I thought about this as I reflected on the frustration of this still unresolved situation from the weekend before. In the frustration of my current circumstances to God, and the message I keep hearing back is, "Trust me. I know what I am doing. I have always known." It's a wonderful message, but it is so difficult to accept when you're upset. The campers were just playing a silly game that they made up, and there are a lot of other things more difficult to trust others with than their teeth around your schnoz, but the idea of trust remains. As silly as it sounds, you do not know if the person who is about to bite your nose is going to hurt you or not... but they know what they're doing. I have no idea what is coming in the future or how this situation is going to end up, but I do know that God knows what He's doing better than I know what's coming. I am learning to trust Him, just as I told Him I desire to do. It is by no means easy or even pleasant right now, but I also have hope in the future because I know He cares for me, even when I am frustrated and angry and don't want to trust Him.
God,
Thank You for listening to me, even when it is not what I expect to hear in return. I do not like the uncertainty of the situation I am in right now, but I am learning that You have known since before the beginning of time where I would be right now and where I will be in the future. Thank You for caring about the little worries that I have, and for desiring the best for me, even in those moments. I am sorry for not trusting You, but I truly do desire to trust You more. Please continue to walk me through the lessons You are teaching me. Thank You for Your patience. I love You.
This summer I am working at a camp. In fact, I'm working at the same rustic, middle-of-nowhere camp that I worked at two summers ago. Since the camp is fairly close to home, I've decided to come home every weekend. The first week of work was "orientation." As a team of counselors, we spent the week cleaning the camp and brainstorming ideas for the summer. When I got back home Friday, I did not expect to have the weekend that I did. I got some bad news Friday evening that I was not expecting at all. I was so shocked and confused, not just about the news I received, but also about the way that I received it, that I just broke down. In fact, I was broken down all weekend, and I honestly didn't want to go back to camp this past week. I knew that I was going to be counted on to interact with a lot of kids, and I just wanted to be alone. I am so glad I was where I was this week, though.
God,
Thank You for listening to me, even when it is not what I expect to hear in return. I do not like the uncertainty of the situation I am in right now, but I am learning that You have known since before the beginning of time where I would be right now and where I will be in the future. Thank You for caring about the little worries that I have, and for desiring the best for me, even in those moments. I am sorry for not trusting You, but I truly do desire to trust You more. Please continue to walk me through the lessons You are teaching me. Thank You for Your patience. I love You.
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