Friday, May 22, 2009
Ahh! It's summer! No more waking up early to rush to class, no more pulling all-nighters to finish a paper, no more stinky cafeteria food... well, at least not until August. I know a lot of people are busy right after school ends with jobs and travel and stuff, but while I'm waiting for camp to start (that's where I'll be working this summer) next month, I have a lot of time to do absolutely nothing. Sure, for a couple of days, it's really nice to have no responsibilities and to just bum on the couch. After awhile, though, it becomes harder to do anything but vegg. I'm going to be extremely honest right now, which is really hard, even over the internet: I've had a lot of free time to give in to a lot of temptation.
I LOVE watching movies. Love love love it. It's easy sometimes to get so caught up in the storyline of the movie, that you become unsatisfied with your own life... or at least I do. Watching so many movies has made me extremely empty for so many reasons. These people are living extraordinary lives, even if they are only portrayed as ordinary in the movie.
Picture this: Suzzie is just an average woman, living by herself in some city, who makes her living as a dog walker. Then, one day, she suddenly becomes involved in a dramatic plot as one leash slips from her hands as she's saying goodbye to her friend (a successful business woman, just engaged, who insists Suzzie needs to meet a guy soon, because, come on, let's face it, she's not getting any younger!), and one of her dogs runs off. She frantically chases after her furry client while trying to juggle all of her other dogs. She comes to a stop as she find the lost dog in the arms of an attractive man who, though she doesn't know it, just lost his wife and has moved to this city to try and build a new life. Through a series of dramatic, touching events, the two fall in love and by the end of the movie, begin their new happy life together running a cute, wittingly named new business. The end. *sigh*
See, even the ordinary get a super cool plot, a super cute guy, and a happily ever after: everything that I have yet to find in my own life. So, maybe the movie makes me feel good for about a minute, but after that, all I feel is empty. So do you know what I do? I watch another one to make me feel better, but really, it only makes me feel worse. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror and smile. I couldn't enjoy being around people. I couldn't stop pouting over the numerous relationships going on around me. After a week or so, I became aware of how miserable I had become! It was then that I realized that God did not call me to a miserable, empty life, but a full and abundant one! I felt empty because I was looking at other things for fullfilment. I was unhappy because I was looking at other things to bring me happiness.
God doesn't disappoint. I don't understand why it is so hard for me to understand that! I am so stuck on finding fulfillment somewhere else, when the only One who can bring true fulfillment is standing right next to me and lives inside of me! How does this make any sense!? Why am I so dense!? I have learned and been reminded time and time again of His sufficiency and the satisfaction a life focused on Him brings! It is no longer about me and what I want, but it is about something greater. Life is now about what He desires, what His plans are, carrying out His purposes. When I surrender all I have to God, then I don't have to worry or feel empty, because he is in control, and I know I can trust he to do what is best because, I mean, come on! He's God! Of course He's gonna do what's best!
It sounds so good, and it really is, but it is SO hard to live by! Surrender every part of my life? Even that little thing I find enjoyment in? I know that it may not be the best for me, but i like it! Do i really have to give it up for God?
I wish things were easier. Sometimes I wish that God would just take away the bad stuff in my life, whether I want Him to or not, but that's not what He wants from us. God very much could take away it all, but he asks us to give it up. It's our choice. How much more does it mean if we give it up than if He takes it from us? It is a daily struggle for me to surrender my life to Christ. I must die to my self daily so that I can live for Him, but the life which I find that I am leading when I do live for Him is a much more abundant and fulfilled life than the one I would be leading if I still lived for myself.
So, I may never find "Mr. Right." I may never have that crazy story with a romantic ending. But what I have found is much greater: I've found God! He is my excedingly great reward.
I LOVE watching movies. Love love love it. It's easy sometimes to get so caught up in the storyline of the movie, that you become unsatisfied with your own life... or at least I do. Watching so many movies has made me extremely empty for so many reasons. These people are living extraordinary lives, even if they are only portrayed as ordinary in the movie.
Picture this: Suzzie is just an average woman, living by herself in some city, who makes her living as a dog walker. Then, one day, she suddenly becomes involved in a dramatic plot as one leash slips from her hands as she's saying goodbye to her friend (a successful business woman, just engaged, who insists Suzzie needs to meet a guy soon, because, come on, let's face it, she's not getting any younger!), and one of her dogs runs off. She frantically chases after her furry client while trying to juggle all of her other dogs. She comes to a stop as she find the lost dog in the arms of an attractive man who, though she doesn't know it, just lost his wife and has moved to this city to try and build a new life. Through a series of dramatic, touching events, the two fall in love and by the end of the movie, begin their new happy life together running a cute, wittingly named new business. The end. *sigh*
See, even the ordinary get a super cool plot, a super cute guy, and a happily ever after: everything that I have yet to find in my own life. So, maybe the movie makes me feel good for about a minute, but after that, all I feel is empty. So do you know what I do? I watch another one to make me feel better, but really, it only makes me feel worse. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror and smile. I couldn't enjoy being around people. I couldn't stop pouting over the numerous relationships going on around me. After a week or so, I became aware of how miserable I had become! It was then that I realized that God did not call me to a miserable, empty life, but a full and abundant one! I felt empty because I was looking at other things for fullfilment. I was unhappy because I was looking at other things to bring me happiness.
God doesn't disappoint. I don't understand why it is so hard for me to understand that! I am so stuck on finding fulfillment somewhere else, when the only One who can bring true fulfillment is standing right next to me and lives inside of me! How does this make any sense!? Why am I so dense!? I have learned and been reminded time and time again of His sufficiency and the satisfaction a life focused on Him brings! It is no longer about me and what I want, but it is about something greater. Life is now about what He desires, what His plans are, carrying out His purposes. When I surrender all I have to God, then I don't have to worry or feel empty, because he is in control, and I know I can trust he to do what is best because, I mean, come on! He's God! Of course He's gonna do what's best!
It sounds so good, and it really is, but it is SO hard to live by! Surrender every part of my life? Even that little thing I find enjoyment in? I know that it may not be the best for me, but i like it! Do i really have to give it up for God?
I wish things were easier. Sometimes I wish that God would just take away the bad stuff in my life, whether I want Him to or not, but that's not what He wants from us. God very much could take away it all, but he asks us to give it up. It's our choice. How much more does it mean if we give it up than if He takes it from us? It is a daily struggle for me to surrender my life to Christ. I must die to my self daily so that I can live for Him, but the life which I find that I am leading when I do live for Him is a much more abundant and fulfilled life than the one I would be leading if I still lived for myself.
So, I may never find "Mr. Right." I may never have that crazy story with a romantic ending. But what I have found is much greater: I've found God! He is my excedingly great reward.
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